


In a land of Massachusetts, and a time of college...

by Cello_trash



Series: Merlin x Check, Please! Crossover Universe [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic), Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Check please au, Closeted Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Crack, Dumb Hockey Boys, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed Arthur, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, FTM Merlin, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Lack of Communication, M/M, Merlin and gang go to samwell and some of them play hockey, Modern Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn, Soft Hockey Boys, Trans Male Character, Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin), but they work on it, kind of, no magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:46:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cello_trash/pseuds/Cello_trash
Summary: In order to go to his dream school, Merlin has to work as a staff member at the university's Ice Arena with Gwen, (a sweet, but badass nursing student) Mordred, (an pretentious, angsty e-boy) and George (an uptight hospitality major). Sounds easy right?Well... enter Arthur, the stuck up (and annoyingly attractive) captain of the ice hockey team, and things get a bit more interesting.AKA what if the characters from Merlin went to Samwell University (I plan to do a 2nd part to this series that's the characters from Check, Please! if they lived in Camelot
Relationships: Gwaine/Percival (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana/Morgause (Merlin)
Series: Merlin x Check, Please! Crossover Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751374
Comments: 26
Kudos: 54





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! So I thought I'd combine two of my fav fandoms and do an AU where the characters from each fandom switch timelines. If you don't know anything about hockey, don't worry! Merlin isn't familiar with it either, so he'll need it explained to him by other characters *wink wink*  
> My representation of Merlin's transness is only representative of my own experiences as a trans guy, and nobody elses, so it might be diff from what other people experience/feel  
> All mistakes are my own

Merlin stood on the side of the curb in front of his dorm, watching his mother’s car drive away until she turned a corner and was out of sight. He knew it was silly, that college was supposed to be the time where you became independent from your parents, but he’d miss his mom.

Growing up with a single parent in small town Georgia meant that Merlin and his mom had been each other’s best friend. She was shunned by the Southern Baptists in the town (which was practically everyone in the town) because she’d had a child out of wedlock, and he had been an outcast, not only to the kids his age, but also to the adults, because he was an obviously queer kid in a town that wasn’t very accepting of differences. So much for “love thy neighbor.”

‘This will be good,’ Merlin tried to give himself a pep talk, ‘Samwell was a place that he could finally be himself. He wouldn’t have to be afraid that he was going to be beat up anymore.’

In a desperate attempt to escape the South, Merlin had applied to every school listed on the top LGBTQ+ colleges list, and when he had gotten his acceptance letter from Samwell (the #1 school in the rankings) he had cried tears of joy.

His mother had been just as happy for him. While Samwell was expensive and very far away, they would make it work, she said. He would have to pick up a couple of jobs and take out several loans, but it was a price he was willing to pay in order to finally be able to openly be himself; which was why he was here, in chilly Massachusetts, two weeks before classes would begin.

There had been an opening to a work study position which would entail him working staff at the Ice Arena on campus: driving the Zamboni, cleaning up trash after hockey games, and doing general repairs when needed. Plus, the manager of the rink, a man named Kilgharrah who spoke mostly in confusing riddles, had told Merlin that he could use the arena to skate whenever there wasn’t ice time for the hockey team or peewee tournaments being held there.

Merlin was a former Juniors figure skating champion. However, he had stopped competing once he had figured out that he was trans. He didn’t want to continue to participate in the women’s circuit, and as much as it hurt him to admit, he did not have the strength to compete in the men’s.

He had landed a hand full of triples in practice (never successfully at a competition) but he wasn’t comfortable performing them, let alone quads. And everyone knew that with the evolution that skating had undergone in the past several years, quads were almost mandatory if you wanted to place.

That didn’t mean that he had stopped skating though. Whenever he could get ice time, or there was an open skate at the one rink within 50 miles of his house, he would make the trek, enjoying the feeling of flying across the ice. 

In the distance, a car alarm went off, startling Merlin out of his thoughts. Not knowing how long he’d been standing there, he checked his watch and swore at the time. Rushing back into the dorm, he took the stairs until he reached the third floor and unlocked the door to his room. If he wanted to start unpacking before he had to go meet the other work study students in his position he would have to hurry.

He set an alarm for thirty minutes and grabbed the first box labeled clothes, pulling things out and placing them into the drawers. When he’d finished with the first box, be opened the next, flitting around the room as he tried to fill his side of the room with as much color as possible.

He glanced at his phone, noting that he still had fifteen minutes before he had to leave. Just as he moved to return to unpacking, he heard the noise of someone sliding a card into the lock and the door clicked open, revealing a small boy in ripped jeans, a ratty band t-shirt, and a black beanie carrying three large boxes worth of stuff.

They stared at each other for a few seconds before the boy shrugged and sauntered fully into the room, setting his boxes down on the other bed.

“Are you an athlete or something?” the shorter boy asked. “Like, why are you here already?”

“Um… no I’m not,” Merlin responded. “I’m working at the ice arena though, so I needed to be here early since the team starts practice this week…” he trailed off at the other boy’s look of surprise.

“Oh shit, you’re the other new hire. I work there too.” The boy leaned against the bedpost in a nonchalant way. “I’m Mordred by the way, he/him/his pronouns.”

“Oh, uh… same.”

“Your name is also Mordred?” The smaller boy snarked with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Um no, I meant with the pronouns, I also use he/him/his,” Merlin floundered. “My name’s Merlin.”

“Chill.”

Merlin nodded awkwardly, trying to think of something else to talk about.

“Is that all you brought?” he finally settled on, gesturing to the three boxes on the bed.

“No. I’m local so I’ll be bringing more stuff later.”

“Cool… well we need to go soon if we want to make it on time.” Merlin stated, an idea coming to him. “Oh! If we leave now, we can stop by the Starbucks; I saw one on the way to the arena when I was driving in.”

Mordred snorted. “As if. The exchange value is so much higher than the use value, and the excess isn’t even distributed to the workers. I’d never give my money to a corporate chain like that.”

Merlin stared blankly at him, completely bewildered. At his lack of a response, Mordred looked at him exasperatedly. “Marx? The idea of commodity value?” He asked with a hint of disdain in his voice that implied that Merlin should know what he was talking about.

Merlin shook his head, “I… still don’t know what that means.”

Mordred let out a long-suffering sigh, “It means that for the amount of use, i.e. the energy boost, their coffee provides, they charge too much. And that all the money goes to the top of the corporate food chain and not to the actual workers.”

“Ah, of course.” Merlin was saved from having to say anything else in response by his alarm going off. ‘Thank god’ he thought. “Well that means we need to go,” Merlin responded, grabbing his jacket, and walking briskly out of the room.

The majority of the walk to the arena was spent in silence. Merlin was flustered by Mordred’s arrival, not only because he was a pretentious ass, but also because he thought that he’d have two more weeks to figure out how he was going to get changed without revealing himself too much to his roommate.

He knew that because he was… well… Pre-everything he did not pass that well and that there would be no way to hide that he was trans from Mordred, (if the bastard hadn’t already figured it out) but he was still really uncomfortable with the idea of someone else seeing him without his binder on.

But he couldn’t bind 24/7, so he’d have to figure something out quick or get over it.

“What’re majoring in?” Mordred broke the silence.

“Um, environmental science… and I think I’ll double major in forest management. I just want to try and save nature as much as I can…”

“How interesting,” Mordred responded in a tone that was less condescending than before, but still made it clear that he did not find it interesting.

“What about you?”

“Philosophy. Might add an English lit minor or major.”

As he finished speaking, they arrived at the arena and walked through the front doors. Standing right inside were two people, one a tall, pale man, and the other a dark-skinned woman.

Hearing them arrive, the man called out to them, “Finally, you’re both late. I don’t know what you think this job is, but being timely is important,” he huffed.

The woman laughed, “calm down, they’re only a minute late.” As Merlin and Mordred approached them she stuck out her hand, “It’s nice to meet you. My name is Gwen and he’s George.” She gave them each big smiles as they introduced themselves in turn.

“How’d you meet each other already?” She asked.

“Turns out we’re roommates,” Merlin responded.

“Oh, that’ll be fun!” She exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Merlin and Mordred both responded sarcastically at the same time, side-eying each other.

“Well, now that we got that out of the way, let me show you around the facilities,” George interjected tersely. “We don’t have a lot of time to waste, and there are a lot of important things you need to know in order to do this well. I’m the senior staff on hand, and I will not accept anything other than pristine work.”

As they walked the hallways underneath the arena, Gwen and George showed them where the Zamboni and cleaning supplies were. Finally, they stopped in front of a door hidden way back near the equipment room.

“And this,” Gwen gestured, “Is our break area.” She opened the door and Merlin noted how small the room was. “This is where we hangout during game periods and practices. Do you want to come in, we have some food if you’re hungry,” she offered.

Merlin and Mordred both nodded their heads in agreement and followed Gwen and George into the cramped space. There was one old looking brown couch and several bean bag chairs arranged around the room.

George gestured to a box hanging from the ceiling. “That’s the speaker management used to notify us when it’s intermission or the team is done practicing. Basically, whenever it’s time for us to go out on the Zamboni.” He then motioned towards a desk with three monitors. “Those play video of what’s happening on the ice in case the speaker system is down.”

Merlin nodded in acknowledgement as he sat down on the sofa, taking in the rest of the room. Gwen went over to a mini fridge in the corner, and pulled out a pizza box. “We have leftover pizza that you can heat up in the microwave.”

Once everyone had gotten their food, Gwen started talking again, “Let’s try to get to know each other a bit better,” she said. “I’m a sophomore and a nursing major…”

As they talked more, Merlin noticed that George began to mellow out a little; not much, but some. He found out that George was a junior hospitality management major. The first, and only, time Merlin saw George look anything other than annoyed and stressed was when he was talking about his postgrad plans. He practically vibrated in excitement as he explained how he wanted to run a hotel staff one day. ‘Weirdo,’ Merlin thought.

Merlin definitely liked Gwen a lot, but George and Mordred would be tougher to work with. Maybe they were just bad first impressions, he thought. He shouldn’t be judgmental.

There was a lull in the conversation, and Merlin jumped at the opportunity to ask the one question he was really worried about. “So… how’s the hockey team? Like are they nice?” He knew he sounded timid, but he hadn’t had the best experiences with men’s sports teams. He shuddered at the memory of being pushed around by the football team back home.

“Most of them are really nice to us…” Gwen answered. “My older brother, Elyan, is actually on the team, so I’ve gotten to know several of them pretty well.”

“The only one who can be a little… mean, sometimes is Arthur,” George added, “But it’s not like he doesn’t have the right to be a little more demanding.”

“Why is it okay that he pushes you guys around,” Merlin asked, surprised.

Gwen sighed. “His dad, Uther, is the Chancellor of the college, so he can feel a bit entitled. Not that that gives him the right to be rude,” She shot George a glare.

The other man chimed in again, “Not to mention his older sister is the new coach.”

“I’d almost forgotten about that…” Gwen murmured. “But he doesn’t really mean it, he can just be high-strung a lot of the time… he’s actually quite nice once you get to know him.”

Merlin was doubtful.

After about an hour, Merlin stood up, stretched, and informed the group that he needed to get back to the dorm if he wanted to finish unpacking before the evening. To his slight dismay, Mordred announced that he would also be heading back.

“Alright,” George said. “Just make sure you’re on time and that you don’t make a mess, and everything will be fine.” Merlin waved goodbye to Gwen and George. “It was nice to meet y’all,” he said as he exited the room and walked back to the dorm with Mordred in tow.

By the time that it was 11pm, Merlin was sure that Mordred was going to drive him crazy within the week. He wouldn’t stop quoting philosophers and then scoffing when Merlin didn’t recognize them.

He turned to Mordred, “I’m going to go to bed now. I want to wake up early tomorrow morning so that I have time to skate before the hockey team has ice time.”

“Whatever, I’m not your mom,” Mordred responded drolly. “I don’t care what you do.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and turned so that he was facing the wall, trying to calm his mind until he fell asleep.

He opened his eyes blearily at 5am the next morning to the beeping of his alarm. He turned it off as fast as he could, hoping that he hadn’t woken Mordred. The last thing he needed was the twirp’s snarky commentary this early.

No matter how long he had been a skater, he had never gotten used to the early morning workouts, he thought as he let out a large yawn. He dragged himself out of bed and started getting dressed in the pitch black darkness. He picked up one of his sports bras, staring at it for several seconds. He knew that he shouldn’t wear a binder while he skated, that it was dangerous to exercise with one on, but he dropped the sports bra back into his underwear drawer anyways in favor of his binder.

He slid it on, and felt reassured by the familiar tight feeling on his chest. While he did not like the feeling of not being able to fully breathe, at least this one thing was familiar in an environment where everything was new. He grabbed his phone, a granola bar, and his skates, and crept out of the room, mindful not to trip over anything on the floor.

The cool air woke him up as he made his way to the arena. The one nice thing about being up this early is that he didn’t have to interact with anyone or share the ice. He would be able to get in a good two hours of skating before he would have to bring out the Zamboni to prepare the ice for the hockey team’s practice.

He unlocked the door to the arena and sat down in the bleachers, lacing up his skates. Once he stepped onto the rink, he began doing some light stretching. However, he had barely been on the ice for ten minutes when he heard someone cough loudly behind him.

He turned to find a tall, blond boy about his age standing by the boards, glaring at him. “What are you doing here?” He asked sharply.

“What does it look like…” Merlin said, caught off guard.

“I always practice in the mornings,” the blond boy continued. “You need to leave.”

“No one has this ice time booked,” Merlin started to get defensive. “I can skate now if I want to.” He took a deep breath before extending an olive branch, “But I can share the ice with you. I’ll take half and you can have the other.”

“I don’t want to share the ice with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. Get off,” the blond boy continued.

“Oh, _bless your sweet little heart_ ,” Merlin hissed through clenched teeth. “I think you’ll find that I know plenty about skating.”

“Do you even know who I am?” The blond boy was almost yelling. “You have no right to talk to me like that.”

“You don’t have the right to speak to me in this manner either,” Merlin was starting to raise his voice as well. There were several seconds of tense silence.

“Why don’t we make a wager,” Merlin offered.

At the other boy’s narrowed eyes, he continued, “Let’s race. Five laps around the edge of the rink. Whoever wins gets the ice, and the other has to leave.”

The arrogant boy snorted derisively. “That isn’t even a bet. You have no chance of winning.” He already had his skates on and so jumped over the boards, skating over to where Merlin was standing.

Merlin’s blood was boiling. He would beat this insufferable man if it killed him. The two of them lined up, using the door of the home team’s bench as a starting line.

Merlin looked at the man, “You ready? We’ll start on go?” When he merely nodded, Merlin began to count down.

“3…2…1…go!”

They both pushed off hard, going as fast as they could. They were neck in neck for the first three laps before Merlin started to fall behind a little bit, his binder making it harder to breathe. At the pace he was going, he was going to lose, and he could tell the other boy knew it by his dumb smirk.

In the last lap, Merlin desperately searched for any amount of energy he had left in his body. Powered by the idea of this arrogant prat beating him, he urged his muscles to work harder, and was surprised when it actually worked. He found himself pushing ahead, and while it was close, it was obvious that Merlin crossed the finish line first.

Merlin practically collided with the boards, seeing black spots swim before his eyes. He felt so dizzy he could barely hold himself up on the ice, leaning heavily against the glass. He was cognizant enough however to hear the other boy slam his fist into the boards in anger before storming off the ice.

Merlin stayed bent over for several minutes, trying to catch his breath, his chest and leg muscles burning because of the lack of oxygen. Finally, his vision cleared and he stood up, looking around to confirm that the other man had left.

When he was satisfied, he took his phone out of his back pocket and glided over to a portion of the boards where there wasn’t any glass. He scrolled through his skating playlist, finally decided on a song, and placed his phone down on the boards before skating to center ice.

He started off easy, taking a couple more lazy loops around the rink, before skating back to the open ice, shifting onto the outside edge of his right skate, launching into a double toe loop, and landing easily on the same foot. While he was pleased that he’d executed the jump, he hummed in mild annoyance; once he was really skating, he couldn’t really hear the music from his phone. ‘I’ll have to ask Kilgharrah how to hook my phone up to the speaker system,’ he thought.

As he warmed up more, the jumps and spins he attempted got harder. At one point, he attempted to lift his leg above his head in a Biellmann spin, but he was not flexible enough to do it anymore. He growled in irritation.

While he didn’t necessarily regret quitting the competitive circuit, it was frustrating to slowly lose the skills he had built up over a decade of work. It seemed like every time he got back on the ice he was a little less flexible, a little less fast.

Soon, his phone alarm was going off, signaling that he needed to get off the ice if he wanted to shower and prep the ice for the hockey team. As he approached the locker rooms, he froze. He had been planning on using the men’s locker room, but what if some of the hockey players came in early. He did not care what Gwen said, he wouldn’t believe that they would treat him well until he saw it with his own eyes.

Thinking about how scary it would be to run into anyone in the men’s locker room, he sighed, dropped his shoulders in defeat, and pushed the door open to the women’s locker room. He showered and changed at record speed, feeling dysphoric at the very idea of being in a women’s restroom.

He then hauled the Zamboni out onto the rink, making sure that he carefully smoothed out every inch of ice. While he had been granted permission to use the ice to skate in his free time, he didn’t want to get in trouble if he didn’t do a good job prepping for team practice. The small divots his pick left on the ice would be immediately noticeable to anyone in hockey skates, and he definitely get yelled at (if not fired).

Once he was sure that the ice was as smooth as it could get, he drove the Zamboni back down the hallway, stored it, and made it back to the main lobby area just in time to meet up with George, Gwen, and Mordred.

“Where did you come from?” Gwen asked, and before he could answer, added, “And did you just get out of the shower, your hairs wet?”

“Yeah, I came in to skate early, so I showered in the locker room before work,” Merlin responded.

George looked like he had just sucked on a lemon. “You did what,” he whisper yelled. “I can’t believe you’d do something like-”

Merlin cut him off, “I Zamboni’d the ice and wiped everything down,” he reassured. “Plus, I got permission from Kilgharrah. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

George looked like he was going to argue, but at that moment several boys walked through the doors, talking loudly. Merlin turned to look at them, and froze when he made eye contact with the leader of the group. It was the rude, blond boy from that morning, and if the groups matching gear bags were any indication, he was a member of the hockey team. Which meant that not only would Merlin have to see and interact with him regularly, but he would also have the power to boss Merlin around (at least to an extent).

Upon seeing them, one of the other men in the group bounded over to where Merlin was standing. “Hi Gwen, George,” he greeted with a genuine smile before turning to Mordred and Merlin. “And who are you guys?” He asked. “My name’s Gwaine by the way.”

“I’m Merlin,” he responded blankly, trying to pretend like he was paying attention to the round of introductions that were being made as the rest of the group made their way over. All he could focus on was the blond-haired man. The only thing that brought him any sort of comfort was that Merlin clearly wasn’t the only one who was shocked; the prat had obviously noticed Merlin as well, and was glaring daggers into the side of his head.

After everyone except the arrogant boy had introduced themselves, Gwaine clapped him on the back, “Well, if princess here isn’t going to introduce himself, I’ll do it for him.” The other boys on the team laughed, “This here, is Arthur Pendragon. He can be a right dumbass, but he also has a sick backhand and one of the fastest shots in the NCAA, which is why he’s the captain of our team, even if he is too rude to say hello.”

Arthur huffed, shrugging Gwaine’s hand off of his shoulder, and stalked off towards the locker room without another word.

All of the other boys looked apologetic. “Sorry,” the tallest boy said (Merlin would have to ask Gwen for their names again; he was so focused on Arthur that he hadn’t really heard everyone else introduce themselves.) “He’s been in a mood all morning, but won’t tell us why… he’s just been grumbling about a rude boy he ran into this morning, but we don’t know who he’s talking about…”

“Don’t worry about it, Percy,” Gwen responded, flashing her ever-present smile, “Merlin and Mordred can get to know Arthur better later… go have fun at practice.”

As the hockey players moved towards the locker room entrance, Merlin heard Gwaine groan, “He’s gonna make us do bag skates isn’t he?” He whined. “He always makes us do bag skates when he’s upset.” The last thing that Merlin saw before the boys turned the corner was Percy putting his arm sympathetically around Gwaine’s shoulder.

“So,” Gwen tried to sound chipper, “You just met the entirety of the first line…” At Merlin’s look of confusion, she explained, “The first line are the starting players.”

“Ah.” Merlin was still reeling.

“I thought you said that you skate?” Gwen asked. “How do you not know what a first line is?”

“I used to figure skate, never been a fan of hockey…”

“Oh, we’ll have to get you caught up so you can understand what’s happening in the games. That way you can be a real fan!”

‘Not likely,’ Merlin thought bitterly. ‘I’d rather die than root for a team that’s captained by a complete and utter asshole like Arthur Pendragon.’ But he followed Gwen without complaint as she led them back to the break room, excitedly explaining hockey the entire way.


	2. Samwell vs. Vermont

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I just wanted to thank my friend frondescence (both their ao3 and tumblr username) for beta reading this! Go check out their work :)))  
> All remaining mistakes are my own

Before Merlin knew it, the beginning of the semester was upon him. He had spent the last two weeks being taught by George on how to properly clean the ice in the time allotted between periods and during breaks in play.

“At least once a period we have to go on the ice and scrape off any of the excess ice that’s piling up,” George had explained. “We only have five minutes max, and there are only three of us, so we have to be efficient.”

“Wait…” Merlin was confused. “We have four people?”

“I can’t skate,” Gwen admitted. “So, I drive the Zamboni in between periods, while you all do the shoveling.” Merlin nodded in understanding.

“As I was saying,” George butted in, “we each need to take 1/3 of the ice. The players will probably still be out there while we’re scooping up the loose ice… most of the time though they stay out of our way, but every once in a while, you’ll have to skate around them to do your job.”

George had them running drills after every practice for hours, trying to get their times down to as low as possible. Merlin rolled his eyes every time George chastised them for being too slow. Who cared if the dumb hockey players had to wait an extra minute while the crew cleared the ice off for them? But at the very least it meant that he was able to skate once a day.

It had become a competition between him and Arthur to see which one of them got to the rink first in the morning. Whoever was the first on the ice got to skate, and the other one had to leave. So even on days when he missed out on his ice time, Merlin still got to skate under George’s watchful eye.

When he wasn’t working, Merlin spent most of his free time trying to avoid both the hockey team and Mordred. Surprisingly, it was easier to do the latter; even though he and Mordred shared a room, Mordred was almost never there, doing God knows what, before often stumbling in drunk late at night.

The hockey team was another matter altogether. While Arthur was perfectly content to pretend like Merlin did not exist, (except when he needed something cleaned, the git) the rest of the first line kept trying to interact with him. Gwaine in particular seemed to pop up out of nowhere, shadowing Merlin as he tried to get acquainted with the layout of campus. 

Gwen was no help either. She was always inviting him out to lunch or to the library with different members of the hockey team, and while he was usually able to make up excuses for why he couldn’t go, he was sometimes dragged along anyway.

On one such occasion, they had gone out to a local café for lunch. Squished between Gwaine and Elyan, he could feel a strong headache forming not ten minutes after sitting down. At least Arthur had not tagged along this time.

“Gwen says you’ve been avoiding us cause of Arthur,” Elyan said bluntly as he turned towards Merlin. At Merlin’s glare, Gwen looked only a little apologetic. ‘So much for friends,’ Merlin thought exasperatedly.

“You shouldn’t mind him,” Elyan went on. “I’m sure he’ll get over whatever it is that happened between the two of you.”

“Yeah,” Gwaine’s speech was slightly garbled as he spoke around a bite of food. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s always kind of bitchy, but he’s more stressed now than normal. It’s a big year for him, so he wants the pre-season to go well.”

“Believe you me, I think I can judge character myself,” Merlin was steadfast in his opinion of Arthur. “Plus, what could possibly be so stressful about a  _ game _ that would justify his rudeness.”

Leon leaned in conspiratorially, glancing left and right as if he feared Arthur would appear beside him, before explaining, “Well, for starters, his dad, Uther, wants him to follow in his footsteps… pretty much forced Arthur into a business degree, but Arthur wants to go pro.”

“So,” Merlin replied, nonplussed. “He’s a big boy, if he doesn’t want to do what his father wants then he can stand up for himself.”

Now it was Gwen who spoke up, “I think the hardest part for Arthur is that Uther was super supportive of Morgana going pro… paid for her agent and everything. But when it comes to Arthur, Uther’s always told him he’s not good enough, and now that it’s his junior year he needs to really start performing if he wants scouts to look at him seriously.”

Before Merlin could get a word in edgewise, Gwaine jumped back in, “And Morgana’s his coach now too, so it’s double family pressure. I’m not excusing his behavior, and if he treats you bad let me know and I’ll tell him to fuck off, but there’s the explanation.”

“I can tell him to fuck off on my own, thank you,” Merlin responded. Gwaine guffawed, slapping Merlin on the back hard enough that he was physically jolted forward.

“Good man,” Gwaine laughed, “That’s the spirit…” He sobered up a little bit, “But even if you and Arthur never become close, you seem like a chill dude that I’d want to be friends with.”

“I’ll keep that in mind…” Merlin tried to sound like he genuinely meant what he said, before scarfing his food down as quickly as possible. As soon as he was done, he made to stand up, “Well, this was great, but I need to go study so…”

“Merlin, the semester hasn’t even started,” Gwen narrowed her eyes suspiciously, making it clear to Merlin that he had not fooled her.

Grasping for an explanation, he gestured back at Gwen and Lancelot, “Y’all are studying all the time!”

“We’re returning students prepping for clinicals, you’re a first-year,” Gwen pointed out.

“Nevertheless,” Merlin’s only goal now was to make a speedy exit, whether people believed his excuse or not, “Lots of things to do, places to see, and all that… have a nice day y’all,” and with that he threw the cash for his meal down on the table and walked out of the restaurant.

He did not understand why Gwen wanted him to like the hockey bros so much. He shivered slightly as the cool outdoors air hit him when he pushed open the door. She didn’t make Mordred come along to their little gatherings, why should he be made to? He really didn’t want to hang out with or trust anyone who was friends with Arthur, the King Prat TM .

Regardless of what he’d told Gwaine, he continued to avoid the team (fairly successfully) for the remainder of the lead up to the beginning of classes. Now that the rest of campus had moved in and classes were starting, it would be much easier to avoid the boys; he was sure of it.

However, his hopes were dashed when he walked into his second lecture, HIST 1007, “Myths and Legends of the Ancient World,” to find that Gwaine and Lancelot were also in the class. For a split second, he thought that he might be able to sneak by them, but Gwaine happened to look up right as he was walking into the room, and beckoned loudly, “Merlin! Come sit over here with us!”

Internally groaning, Merlin made his way across the classroom to where the two larger boys sat. After Gwaine’s big spectacle, there was no way that it wouldn’t look weird for him to sit anywhere else.

“Isn’t this a nice surprise,” Lancelot said sincerely as Merlin sat down next to him. “I don’t think you ever told us what you’re studying; are you a history major or is this a gen ed?”

“Gen ed,” Merlin replied, wondering if it would be worth it to drop the class and finding another history credit. “I’m planning on double majoring in environmental science and forest management…”

“Ayyyyyyyyyy!” Gwaine cried, “Double major gang. I’m pre law; gender, women, and sexuality studies and political science double major,” he raised his hand for a high five. When Merlin didn’t immediately react, he reached over, grabbing Merlin’s wrist, and brought their hands together in celebration. Despite his attempts to hide it, Merlin snorted in laughter.

Gwaine practically glowed upon seeing Merlin smile. “We’re going to get to know each other so well,” Gwaine whispered excitedly as he patted Merlin on the shoulder. 

Lancelot rolled his eyes fondly, “Gwaine can get a little too excited sometimes, you just have to ignore him. It’s like with a dog, if you laugh, you’ll just reinforce his atrocious manners.” With a sly, mischievous look towards Gwaine he continued, “The team has actually been saving up to buy a spray bottle to discourage him when he’s like this.”

“Fuuuck off,” Gwaine laughed, trying to pull Lancelot into a headlock. Merlin watched in mixed amusement, shock, and horror as the two boys loudly wrestled in their seats, bringing everyone’s attention to them. Merlin thought he heard someone in the row behind them whisper, “god… why’d we have to have the hockey team in this class, they’re always so loud…”

For the second time in five minutes, Merlin chuckled. They weren’t wrong, but maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. As the professor walked into the lecture hall and set up her computer, Merlin thought that maybe it wouldn’t be such a terrible thing to befriend some of the hockey team. 

He hadn’t known Gwen for long, but if she was of the opinion that they weren’t all bad, then Merlin was inclined to believe her. Plus, he was going to have to spend a lot of time with them no matter what because of his job; he could try to make nice.

He could at least see how it went with Gwaine and Lancelot. Just because Arthur was an ass did not mean that he had to completely ignore everyone else on the team. After all, when had Merlin ever let a stuck-up asshole determine who he hung out with? He had plenty of experience with bullies, and Arthur wasn’t anything new. He was just another scared, angry, entitled boy.

The professor, Dr. Campbell, spent the majority of class simply going over the syllabus, (god, was the first week of classes boring) before letting them all go ten minutes early.

As they walked out of the room, Gwaine glanced at the syllabi one more time before commenting glumly, “It’s not unexpected, but I was hoping for a class that’s a little less Euro-centric. But then again, that’s what people consider myths and legends.”

The three of them walked in comfortable silence until they reached the doors to the building. “Hey, I have a back to back so I need to yeet myself across campus, but we should exchange numbers,” Gwaine mentioned.

“Yah, sure…” Merlin handed over his phone cautiously. Just because he had decided he’d give the excitable boy a chance, didn’t mean that he fully trusted him. Gwaine quickly typed his info in before handing it to Lancelot. “Gotta go, peeaceeeee out.”

Merlin and Lancelot watched as Gwaine took off at a brisk jog, and the two burst out laughing as soon as Gwaine was out of earshot.

“Is it okay if I give you my phone number too?” Lancelot asked, punching in his number at Merlin’s nod. After he handed the phone back, Lancelot smiled, “It was really nice getting to talk to you more, hope to see you more in class… you don’t have to sit next to us, but I think it’d be fun…”

“Yeah, for sure,” Merlin responded, and was slightly surprised to find that he meant it.

That was his last lecture of the day, so Merlin started back to his dorm, hoping that he could catch a quick nap before hockey practice.

When he got to his floor, he heard the sound of someone playing an instrument (badly) and the closer he got to his room, the louder it got. ‘For the love of all that is holy, please don’t be Mordred, please don’t be Mordred, please don’t be Mordred,’ he thought as he walked further down the hall.

As he stood in front of his door, it was undeniable; the music was definitely emanating from his room. He braced himself, and slid the keycard into the door, waiting for the telltale click before he pushed it open.

There, in the middle of the room, stood Mordred, a bass guitar in hand.

“Where’d you get that?” Merlin asked, gesturing at the guitar, trying to sound calm even though everything about the smaller boy drove him up a wall. He could already feel his good mood souring.

“I told you, I’m local… I have a concert coming up. I play bass. The name of our band right now is ‘God is dead.’”

At Merlin’s sigh of distress, Mordred tsked in the way he always did before talking to Merlin like he was an idiot. “It’s a reference to Nietzsche’s book-”

“I understood the reference you  _ edgy _ fuck!” Merlin exclaimed, finally snapping at Mordred, cutting him off before he had the chance to condescend to Merlin any more than he already had. Mordred looked taken aback for a minute, but quickly recomposed himself. 

He sniffed. “Well, that’s been our name for almost two months, so it’ll probably change again soon…”

“Change? Why don’t you decide on a name and stick with it?”

“To reflect the ever changing essence of ourselves and the world,” Mordred drawled.

Merlin took a deep breath in… and out… “Doesn’t that make it hard to advertise if nobody knows what y’all’s name is?” He asked bewildered.

“As if I would ever want to be  _ mainstream _ …”

“Why’d I even ask?!?!” Merlin cried, throwing his hands up in the air. “Can you at least practice somewhere else; I was planning on taking a nap?”

Mordred simply blinked back at him. “It’s not quiet hours, sooooo… no.” He gave Merlin a smug smile before returning to strumming his guitar.

Merlin hadn’t even attempted to sleep, instead trying to go over what little class materials he had. Unfortunately, he was largely unsuccessful at that as well due to the racket. He ended up leaving thirty minutes early, deciding that he would rather just sit in the bleachers at the arena then spend any more time in his dorm.

He felt as though he had lost his afternoon, his mood in the dumpster, as he dragged himself back towards the ice crew break room. He was texting Gwen as he walked, asking her when she’d arrive, when he felt himself run into another person and bounce off their sturdy form, almost falling backwards.

He automatically apologized, as he glanced at the man he had just collided with to find Arthur glaring at him. The blond boy snapped, “Watch where you’re going.”

“Hey, you ran into me as well… watch out yourself,” Merlin shot back. Arthur huffed in annoyance.

“As long as you’re making a nuisance of yourself, I saw a bunch of trash in the stands, you might as well clean it up.”

“Once again, you asshole, you’re here early as well; you can help pick up the trash yourself if you’re so bothered by it.”

“Yeah, but that’s not my job… it’s yours, so better get on it.”

“Why are you such an absolute dollophead!” Merlin shouted.

“What did you just call me?” Arthur seemed genuinely baffled. Merlin turned bright red. Sometimes when he was especially flustered, he’d make up insults. Trying to save face, he responded, “In two words… Arthur Pendragon.” He then stalked away before Arthur could respond, heading towards the stands.

He walked through the rows of seats, fuming the entire way, until he had picked up all the trash he could find. He slammed the handful of garbage into the trashcan and headed back to the break room, hoping he wouldn’t run into anymore dumb hockey players.

He opened the door to the staff room, and upon seeing Gwen was already there, exclaimed, “I know I keep complaining about him, but Arthur is just the worst!  _ Bless his heart _ , I don’t think that boy has ever had a civil conversation in his life.”

Gwen merely shrugged. George arrived not long after, even more stressed than usual. Tonight was the last practice before the first game of the season, and he wanted to make sure that everybody stayed on top of their duties.

With fifteen minutes left in practice, Gwen suggested they go and watch the team for a little bit.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” she urged when Merlin initially rejected the offer. “Lance told me that you’re being friendly with him and Gwaine now… hockey’s fun to watch if you’ll just give it a try.”

With a put upon sigh, Merlin got up off the couch and followed the other three crew members out to the ice. They leaned up against the boards, going unnoticed for a couple minutes before Lancelot saw them.

“Hey, Gwen, watch this,” he called out excitedly to Gwen. From what Merlin had seen, Lancelot was a skilled skater, but he was so focused on Gwen’s reaction, glancing at her every few seconds, that his attempt at a trick play failed miserably; not only did his shot miss the net entirely, but he tripped over his skates, losing his balance and sliding into the wall ungracefully.

Gwen put her hand over her mouth, trying to hide her giggle. Lancelot blushed in embarrassment as the rest of the team chirped him mercilessly. Even Arthur looked amused.

Once the players had made their way off the ice, Gwen drove the Zamboni around the rink, and they all packed up. The game the next day was an afternoon matinee, so they’d have to get to the rink fairly early.

George gave them one last lecture on how important tomorrow was, and they moved to leave the arena. Just as they all reached the door, Mordred turned to them, “Hey, not that it really matters, but I’m playing a show Sunday… if any of you want to come that’d be chill… it’s just a lowkey thing in my friend’s basement... again though, I don’t really care either way so don’t feel like you have to…”

If Merlin didn’t know better, he would say that Mordred sounded nervous, and a little bit timid, when he asked the question.

“Oh, that’d be fun!” Gwen responded quickly, “It’ll be like a team bonding thing.”

“Cool… see you all there,” Mordred walked off. The remaining three quickly went their own ways as well.

\-----------( POV: Arthur)------------ 

Arthur woke up the day of the first official game of the season feeling sick to his stomach with nerves. He had been playing hockey for as long as he could remember, but this was the year that scouts would really begin paying attention to him (if he was good enough, that is). 

He knew that he had been even more stressed than usual the past two weeks, but compared to now, that had been a walk in the park.

Nevertheless, he tried to stick to his pregame routine. He logically understood that being superstitious was dumb, but what if the one time he strayed from his pattern, he had a terrible game.

So, he got out of bed, took a shower, ate a breakfast with as much protein and carbs as he could, and settled down on his couch to watch tape. The team they were playing today shouldn’t be too much of a challenge, but he still watched almost an hour’s worth of prior games against them, cataloging the weaknesses he noticed in each player.

#72 (left defenseman) was big, but not a very good skater. If he, Lance, and Elyan could move into the offensive zone, it wouldn’t be too hard to deke past him and get a shot on goal.

#14 (goalie) had trouble blocking shots on his right, especially when they were placed in the top corner.

#66 (center) was greedy, always going for the shot himself instead of passing it to the wings.

Once he’d finished the tapes, he got up, checking his gear bag to make sure everything was in it, and began the trek to the arena. Since it was an afternoon game he didn’t have time, or need, a pregame nap, and so he figured he’d visit the trainer before the game; his right ankle had been giving him some trouble.

The trainer, an older man who’d been with the team for decades named Gaius, palpated his ankle for several minutes before giving him a bag of ice, “It feels like it’s just some strain from skating as much as you have. I know you know this but make sure your skates are tight enough and maybe cut some of the time you spend on the ice outside of practice.”

Gaius had his back to Arthur now, rooting through a drawer in his desk. “If it’s still hurting at first intermission I can wrap it for you, but for now see if the ice will do the job.”

“Alright, thanks,” Arthur slid off the exam table and left the room, going to sit in the stands for a while like he always did. Once there, he propped his leg up slightly, hissing slightly at the cold feeling of the ice around his ankle.

He took out his phone and pulled up his pregame playlist, and put both his earbuds in. As the music blared in his ears, he took stock of the rink, letting the cool air rush over him. 

Before he knew it, it was time to make his way down to the locker room. He was one of the first ones there, and started to pull his gear on, enjoying the sound of banter in the room. Gwaine was chirping Lance about his crush on Gwen, Leon was ribbing one of the first years about being so nervous he looked green, etc.

“Whose turn is it to choose music,” someone yelled out.

“Yan’s,” Perce gestured towards Elyan. The chaos of a pregame locker room had always been comforting to Arthur. Half an hour before Morgana would come in to give her pregame speech, about a dozen members, including the entire first line, went out to the hallway to play hacky sack (another pregame ritual that had existed since Arthur was a first year himself). 

Even though Arthur was still feeling nervous, getting some energy out while laughing with his friends helped immensely. Just as the group filed back into the locker room, Morgana entered the room as well.

She cleared her throat. “Alright guys, as long as we keep our heads we shouldn’t have a problem against this team. Don’t be cocky though… keep focus, get the puck out of the zone, and avoid penalties when at all possible.” Arthur was finishing up taping his stick as she talked.

She then looked at her clipboard with the roster on it:

**Number**

| 

**Name**

| 

**Position**  
  
---|---|---  
  
#2

| 

Leon “Gaulsy” Gaul

| 

Defense  
  
#5

| 

Lancelot “Lance” Du Lac

| 

Right Wing  
  
#6

| 

Hector “Hec” de Maris

| 

Defense  
  
#13

| 

Gwaine “Orsy” Orkney

| 

Goalie  
  
#15

| 

Arthur “Princess” Pendragon

| 

Center  
  
#16

| 

Erik “ Sonny” Johnson

| 

Center  
  
#21

| 

Dagonet “Netter” Stevens

| 

Goalie  
  
#36

| 

Elyan “Yan” Blanc

| 

Left Wing  
  
#39

| 

Percy “Perce” Pellinore

| 

Defense  
  
#43

| 

Tor “Tors” Aries

| 

Left Wing  
  
#45

| 

Urien “Urie” Rheged

| 

Right Wing  
  
#56

| 

Yvain “Jeeves” Butler

| 

Center  
  
#61

| 

Gaheris “Lotty” Lot

| 

Defense  
  
#68

| 

Safir “Firs” Owens

| 

Defense  
  
#72

| 

Tristan “Wristy” Brittonic

| 

Right Wing  
  
#73

| 

Lucan “Luc” Fay

| 

Defense  
  
#84

| 

Howel “Porter” Port

| 

Left Wing  
  
After double checking the information on the sheet, she read off, “Alright Orkney will start in the net, Gaul and Pellinore on defense, Blanc, Pendragon, and Du Lac on offense. Second line will be…”

After the lineup was announced, they headed onto the ice for warmups. The visiting team, the University of Vermont Catamounts, were already warming up on their side of the ice, and Arthur eyed up the competition briefly before collecting a loose puck on his stick, firing it at Gwaine in the net.

Twenty minutes later the four officials made their way onto the ice and it was time for the faceoff. Arthur and the opposing team’s center met on center ice, the other boy placing his stick on the ice as the ref raised the puck into the air. 

Every muscle in Arthur’s body was ready to fight for the puck as he waited. The moment the ref dropped the puck, Arthur struck, winning the battle as he passed the puck to Lance; the battle had begun.

He moved up the ice as quickly as he could, ready to receive a pass. One of Vermont’s defensemen closed in on the right winger.

“Lance, I’m open,” Arthur clacked his stick on the ice, letting his teammate know audibly where to pass the puck. He felt the puck hit his stick and moved around the second defenseman before firing it to Elyan who was positioned right by the crease of the goal, hoping to deflect the shot in. However, Arthur didn’t place the puck well enough on the left winger’s stick, and the goalie batted it away to one of his defensemen.

The puck was carried out of Vermont’s zone and towards Samwell’s goal; the battle had truly begun.

Much of the first and second periods were the same. Both goaltenders were on their game, and the second period ended without a single goal. Arthur walked back to the locker room frustrated. He had had several good goal scoring chances, but had been unable to capitalize on them. Some of his passes to Lance and Elyan had been sloppy.

Morgana pulled him aside as he entered the dressing room. “Get it together,” she commanded firmly. Arthur merely grunted in response, pushing past her, not appreciating the disappointment in his coach’s (and sister’s) voice.

The third period started off badly. A miscommunication between him and Jeeves during a line change had led to a turnover in which Vermont had scored. Slamming his fist into the boards in frustration, he tried to shake the blunder off.

He was still flustered, however, when his next shift came around. He jumped over the boards, landing firmly on the ice, and raced to the position he needed to be in. Perce had just caused Vermont’s left wing to turnover the puck, and Arthur shouted to him as he moved into his lane, unguarded for the moment.

Before he even felt the puck collide with his stick, he looked around, noting that his two wingers were both being shadowed closely by defensemen. He felt his stick give slightly as the puck hit it, and he made a move towards the goal.

Remembering the goalie’s weakness he’d observed on the tapes this morning, he brought his stick back to send the puck to the right top corner, but was stopped when he felt someone else’s stick wrap it’s way around his ankle, pulling him off balance.

A whistle immediately rang out, and Arthur silently celebrated. Even though he hadn’t been able to score, he had drawn a penalty. 

The lead ref skated to center ice, and tugged both of his arms toward his stomach, the motion used to signify a hooking penalty. Samwell was going to have a two minute power play.

Before that could happen though, one of the linesmen motioned for the ice crew to come scrape off the layers of loose ice that had accumulated since the beginning of the period. He caught sight of Merlin skate onto the rink with the shovel that was way too big for him (to match his ginormous ears, Arthur thought meanly).

Merlin skated past him, and he stopped the boy. “You missed a spot,  _ Mer _ lin,” he scolded, pointing to a small pile of snow by Arthur’s skate. Merlin turned back to scoop it up before skating away, but Arthur could have sworn he heard Merlin whisper ‘prat’ as he brushed by Arthur.

Arthur rolled his eyes in frustration. It’s not like it was his fault that Merlin was so bad at his job; that Arthur always had to correct his shoddy work.

As he watched Merlin, George, and Mordred dump all the snow into the bucket Gwen was holding, and then step off the ice, he refocused on the game before him. He didn’t have time to think about Merlin of all people.

He lined off against Vermont’s specialty penalty killing line, and smirked. Samwell’s power play was extremely strong, and they were all around faster skaters than Vermont. Especially with one less man on the ice, they’d have a hard time keeping up with Arthur’s line.

He skated over to Vermont’s defensive zone where the faceoff would take place. The goal for Arthur would be to win the face off and toss the puck to Tristan, who would then attempt to let loose his legendary wrist shot into the net (That’s how he got his nickname after all). 

For the first time all game, everything went according to plan, and before he knew it, Arthur was pulled into the resulting celly, knocking his helmet against Tristan’s, before skating down the line of his teammates on the bench, giving each of them a fistbump in celebration.

With twelve minutes left, the game was tied. Arthur grinned. He could feel it, the tide of the battle had shifted, and Samwell was going to ride the wave to victory.

Two minutes before the end of the period, Perce checked a Vermont forward hard into the boards, separating him from the puck, and passed the puck up to Elyan. The winger skillfully skated around the opposing defensemen, faking a shot on goal, before backhanding to puck. It bounced loudly off the upper bar and into the back of the net.

The cheers of the crowd shook the glass. The next two minutes were spent trying to play out the clock, and when the final buzzer rang out, Arthur let out a large breath of relief. They had won.

When he went down the handshake line he kept his facial expression neutral, but inside he was jumping in joy. Sure, it was only one game out of an entire season, but it was a good start to the most important year of his life.

\-----------( POV:Merlin)------------

After the game, Merlin had told the rest of the ice crew to take off; he wanted to skate, and he’d Zamboni the ice after he was done.

As he glided around the rink, he was surprised to find that he was genuinely happy that Samwell had won. Even if Arthur had gallivanted about like an absolute idiot, he was happy for the rest of the team. And even if he would never admit it out loud, he did find hockey interesting and thrilling to watch. 

He ended up not spending very long on the ice as his back hurt from the work he had done during the game. 

The rest of his day was spent studying. Since he was going to Mordred’s concert tomorrow evening, he needed to get as much done tonight as possible. For once, Mordred seemed content to not make a nuisance of himself, and Merlin fell asleep around midnight.

Before he knew it, Sunday night had arrived, which meant that he was standing in front of a mirror trying to make sure that the shirt he was wearing made him look as flat chested as possible.

“You look fine,” Mordred grumbled, dressed in his usual band t-shirt over a long sleeve white shirt, ripped jeans, and beanie. “Come on, we need to leave now if you want to walk to the concert together.”

Merlin huffed. Mordred just didn’t get it. He still wasn’t 100% sure that Mordred knew that he was trans; he didn’t understand the feeling of constantly stressing over whether he was going to pass or not. Nevertheless, Merlin nodded, and grabbed a jacket, zipping it up as he followed Mordred out of the door. They met up with Gwen and George by the lake in the middle of campus and began the hike to Mordred’s friend’s house.

Gwen was wearing a corduroy pair of overalls on top of a white shirt. George on the other hand, was dressed in a pair of khakis and a polo shirt.

Merlin turned to George, “You do know that this is going to be like a grungy party right?”

“Doesn’t mean that I have to lower my standards,” George replied haughtily, but his cheeks burned red with embarrassment.

When they arrived at the house, Merlin was surprised to find that it was smackdab in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. He had been expecting a rundown apartment.

At his obvious look of confusion, Mordred huffed, “What were you expecting… me and all my friends went to a private prep school, it’s disgusting, but we come from the suburbs.” Mordred looked like he’d just eaten something gross as he admitted it.

Merlin shrugged his shoulders and walked into the house, chilling with Gwen and George, sipping on a beer, while Mordred went to prepare for the show.

When the show did begin, Merlin was glad that he was a little tipsy; the music was awful. Gwen caught his grimace, and reprimanded, “Come on, Merlin, act like you’re enjoying yourself. This is supposed to be an opportunity to get to know Mordred better, not to insult him.”

Merlin supposed Gwen had a point, and bobbed his head along to the music. The set itself only lasted for about an hour, and Mordred strolled over to them afterwards, a glint of pride in his eyes.

“That… was interesting…” Merlin said, trying to be diplomatic.

“I should have figured you wouldn’t get it,” Mordred said disdainfully. “It takes an understanding of the universe to really get the full picture of the lyrics…” he trailed off. Despite his words, Merlin noticed that Mordred looked more subdued, his shoulders slumped, making him look even smaller than he already was. 

Even with Gwen’s attempts to make conversation, Mordred had shut down, and they didn’t end up staying for much longer. 

As he lay in darkness on his bed when they got back to their dorm room, Merlin tried not to feel guilty. Mordred was a pretentious asshole, so what if Merlin had hurt his feelings? He deserved to be taken down a peg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx for reading! If you liked this plz leave a comment and kudos they give me the energy to write :)))


	3. Friendship and Stressful situations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all... just a quick heads up that this chapter contains homophobic slurs/ general hockey homophobia mentioned. Take care of yourselves!! Once again this was betaed by the amazing axeljelridge! Check out their shit.  
> Rest of the mistakes are my own

Normally Merlin wouldn’t consider sitting in a doctor’s office at 8am his idea of fun, but today he was nearly vibrating with excitement. He had tried to make this appointment at the very beginning of the school year, but the wait had still been a month and a half.

But it was finally here. Today he was starting the process of trying to get on T. As he waited for the doctor to arrive, his mind raced; exhilaration, nervousness, and fear swirling together into one big mass of emotion. 

He startled slightly when he heard a knock on the door. “Come in,” he called out. The doctor that walked through the door was a tall, slender woman who looked to be around 50 years old, her brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. 

“It’s nice to meet you, my name is Dr. Bryes,” she extended her hand for a handshake. Once she sat down. She glanced down at the chart the nurse had left for her. “I see that you’re here to talk about potentially medically transitioning.”

Merlin nodded quickly. “And you use he/him pronouns? You go by Merlin?” she followed up. Merlin blushed, nodding, “Yeah, I just haven’t been able to change it legally… it’s a bit harder in the South.” He paused briefly, “Will that slow down the process… like do I need to change that before you’ll write the prescription?” He asked timidly, holding his breath.

“No,” Dr. Bryes answered succinctly. Merlin felt a wave of relief roll over his body. He still was cautiously optimistic though; he needed to ask one more question before he’d fully relax.

“How long before I can get on T?” he blurted out; he hoped the process would be smooth (it was Samwell afterall), but feared the horror stories of gatekeeper doctors that people talked about on the internet. 

“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Dr. Bryes responded, immediately dashing Merlin’s hope. “We’re going to have to do a lot of talking to make sure you’re ready for this before we even start the informed consent process.”

Merlin wanted to argue that he had wanted this for years. That just because this was the first time seeing this doctor didn’t mean that he hadn’t thought deeply about transitioning; that he knew what he was getting into.

However, he feared that if he seemed too pushy, that Dr. Bryes would slow the process down even further, so he simply tried to muster up his best fake smile and nodded at her words.

“Now… tell me a little bit about yourself… why don’t you start with the first time you questioned your gender.”

Even if it wasn’t entirely true, he knew what the doctor wanted to hear. “I think I was five or six,” he fibbed (it hadn’t really been until he was 16).

“Mhmm,” she answered, jotting his answers down on her notepad. “Persistent gender dysphoria since early childhood is always a good sign that you really want this.”

Merlin tried to hide his smirk. He could do this. His answers weren’t fully lies… looking back on his memories he had felt some sort of disconnection with his gender from a fairly early age; he just had not realized and reflected on it until a couple of years ago.

The session went too fast, and Merlin felt like they hadn’t gotten anywhere. Trying his best to sound relaxed and casual (instead of the frustration and desperation he was really feeling) he asked, “I know that you said this will take time, but just… like ballpark, if everything goes smoothly… when might I be able to start T…?”

“Um… probably early to mid April,” the doctor smiled as if she was giving him good news.

‘Fuck,’ Merlin thought. That was six months from now. The school year ended in April… if things didn’t go smoothly, he might have to go back to Georgia this summer without T, which would mean waiting until the following August to continue the process with Bryes. He had always known that it was a pipe dream, but he had been secretly hoping that he might be able to start before winter break.

“Do you have any other questions?” Dr. Bryes asked, her hand already on the handle of the door.

Merlin shook his head, and with that she walked out of the room, leaving Merlin sitting despondently on the examination table. He sighed, head in his hands, before collecting himself, and made his way out to the front desk, and asked for the soonest appointment with Dr. Bryes. Maybe if he stacked the appointments as close together as possible, the process might go slightly faster. 

As he walked to class, he tried to keep from crying in disappointment. Attempting to look on the bright side, he knew that this would give him more time to save up money; T wasn’t cheap, even if his insurance covered it. He had been planning on getting another job when he got to campus, but had been too busy so far to do so. Maybe it was time to start looking for openings.

He glanced down at his watch and realized that he really needed to hurry if he wanted to make it to class on time. With how late Dr. Bryes had been, they’d gone longer than he thought they would. He jogged the rest of the way to class, slipping in with a minute to spare.

Still panting slightly from his run, he sat down next to Gwaine and Lancelot. At least this class would take his mind off of his frustration for a little bit; he genuinely enjoyed the class and Gwaine was always making funny comments. 

“Hey, you’re usually earlier than this,” Lancelot commented. “Is everything alright?” He added upon seeing Merlin’s defeated expression.

Merlin still hadn’t officially come out to either of them, and so tried to school his facial expression. Not knowing whether he really passed or whether his friends were just kind enough to pretend like he did was also starting to get to him. 

“I just had a doctor’s appointment that went a little late,” he responded, trying to sound nonchalant.

Neither Gwaine nor Lancelot looked like they believed him, but before either of them could say anything, the professor was clearing her throat, and everyone stopped talking as the lecture began.

Today they were covering Arthurian legends and halfway through class Merlin saw Gwaine’s eyes light up in excitement. He leaned over to Merlin and whispered in his ear, “Holy shit my dude, I just realized we never gave you a hockey nickname!”

Merlin looked at him quizzically, murmuring, “I’m not on the hockey team, Gwaine…”

“You might as well be an honorary member.”

“Why is this important right now,” Merlin responded, looking nervously between Gwaine and the professor. They weren’t in the first row, but they also were not that far back; it would not be long before the professor noticed their conversation if it went on for much longer.

“ _ Because _ , your name is Merlin! Arthur got his name from the legend, why shouldn’t you?” At Merlin’s raised eyebrow, Gwaine explained, “his nickname’s princess… get it, cause Arthur’s royalty…”

“He lets you call him that…”

“Well, no, but we do it anyway,” Gwaine grinned maniacally. 

“Get to the point, Gwaine.”

“Well… so… it can be Emrys… cause that’s what Merlin was also called,” Gwaine looked excited.

“Sure, whatever,” Merlin responded. “Now let me focus in class.”

“As you wish, oh mighty Emrys,” Gwaine did a quick half bow in his seat.

After class had ended, Gwaine tugged lightly on Merlin’s hoody. “I meant to ask you this before class but my con law class that I usually have right after this got cancelled, so I was thinking it’d be fun for the three of us to grab lunch together.”

“Sure,” Merlin shrugged. They strolled leisurely to the dining hall. They had barely put their bags down, claiming a booth in the back, when Gwaine’s phone pinged. Looking down at his text message, a small smile graced his face. He then looked up at Merlin and Lancelot, “Would you mind if Perce joined us?” 

“No,” Merlin replied.

Lancelot grinned, “If you’re too gross, I will throw food at you… and do not forget the fines. Merlin may not know about them, but I will not hesitate to fine the both of you until you’re completely broke.”

“Whatever,” Gwaine snorted. “You just can’t handle all of this,” he gestured to himself, waggling his eyebrows. Lancelot simply rolled his eyes and left to get his food. Merlin was confused; he felt like he was missing something.

By the time that Merlin returned to the table with his plate, Percy was already there. He hadn’t really hung out with Percy at all, and so when he noticed that neither Gwaine nor Lancelot were back yet, he thought about hiding until they had; he didn’t want to make awkward conversation with the large boy.

However, Merlin decided that that was entirely too rude, and so braced himself before walking the last few feet to the table and sitting down.

Percy looked up at him and smiled. “Hey Merlin, how’re you doing today?”

“I’m fine… how bout you?”

“Not too bad. I’m glad we finally have a chance to hang out… Gwaine talks about you all the time, so I’m excited to get to know you more.”

Merlin smiled. “It’ll be good to get to know you too.” Not knowing what else to say, Merlin cut off a piece of chicken and stuffed it in his mouth.

Soon Lancelot and Gwaine were back, and Merlin was surprised to see Gwaine squish right up next to Percy, even though there was plenty of room on their side of the booth. Even more surprising was the fact that instead of scooting away, Percy merely shot Gwaine a fond smile.

Lancelot pointed his fork at the two of them. “Perce hasn’t even been here for five minutes, and you’re already pushing it… I won’t fine you for this, but it’s close.”

Merlin shook his head in bewilderment. “What’s a fine? And why are you threatening them with it?”

“Oh,” Lancelot turned to fully face Merlin. “It’s a sacred hockey tradition… there are many things a hockey player can do to incur a monetary fine from their teammates… and being overly romantic,” at this he gestured towards Gwaine and Percy violently, “is one of the highest offenses.”

Merlin felt completely blindsided. He turned to Percy and Gwaine. “So… the two of you are together…?” He wasn’t sure that he was understanding what Lancelot was saying.

At his shocked expression, Percy laughed kindly. “Considering Samwell’s large LGBTQ+ population, you can’t actually be surprised that some of us on the hockey team are queer… I mean Samwell’s unofficial slogan is 1 in 4, maybe more.”

Merlin was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Gwaine and Percy were in a relationship. “Well… I guess I just haven’t had very much experience with male sports players being anything other than, well… bros.”

“Valid,” Gwaine replied, before pushing on, “But yeah, me and Perce have been together since last spring semester. I keep him around mostly for his good looks.” At that, Percy gave Gwaine a light shove.

“He’s an asshole, but I still love him for some reason,” the bigger boy responded.

“Fine,” Lancelot said calmly. Gwaine and Percy rolled their eyes at the same time.

“Cool,” Merlin responded. “So… Percy, what are you majoring in?” Merlin asked. He really did want to get to know Percy (especially now that he knew that he was another queer person he could hang out with).

“I’m an education major with a theater minor… I want to be an elementary school teacher, but I also really like acting, so I figured I might as well do some in college.”

Merlin could not imagine this ginormous man as an elementary school teacher or on a stage, but he was constantly learning that Percy (and most of the hockey team) were not what they seemed at first glance.

Throughout lunch, Merlin noticed that while Percy was much quieter than Gwaine, he was just as funny. Merlin was not sure he had ever laughed this much in his entire life. As the meal was wrapping up, Merlin had an idea.

“Hey, so y’all have been on campus a lot longer than I have, so I was wondering if y’all know about any good job openings that are available… I’m looking to pick up a second job to save up money to… save… for stuff…” Merlin had barely caught himself from outing himself.

The other three boys thought about it for a minute, before Percy snapped his fingers. “Of course! I work at the Starbucks on campus, and we’re hiring right now. It isn’t the best paying job, but it’s something and the interview process isn’t very hard.”

Percy gave Merlin his number so he could text Merlin the picture of the interview flyer, and so Merlin could ask him any questions that he wanted about the job.

\-----------( POV: Arthur)-----------

Today was one of the only Saturdays all year that Arthur didn’t have a game, and practice wasn’t until 8pm. However, Arthur was not using the opportunity to sleep in; he had signed up to volunteer with an environmental organization on campus to plant trees around campus.

Between his school work and the hockey team he didn’t have many opportunities to get involved in other aspects of campus life, and so whenever something like this happened, he jumped at the opportunity. 

He checked the weather to figure out what to wear and found that it was going to be around 15 degrees all day. He was not surprised, (it was mid October in Massachusetts, after all) but he still winced. Weather this cold meant that it would be harder to dig into the frozen ground. 

He put on jeans and a long sleeve flannel and grabbed a jacket by the door as he left his apartment and began the trek through the cold to the main quad. 

Living off campus came with a lot of benefits, (more privacy, a real stove/oven to prepare food) but it also meant that he had to walk longer in the cold during the winter months. 

He stuck his hands into his pockets, shivering slightly. Even though he had spent most of his free time in a hockey rink since he was seven, he still wasn’t a fan of the cold. 

When he finally made it to the student union where the group was meeting up, his hands already felt numb. He felt like smacking himself for forgetting gloves. Hopefully they’d have some to spare. 

He signed in and sat down on a sofa, waiting for everyone to arrive, breathing on his hands in an attempt to warm them up. 

Ten minutes later, his attention was drawn to someone walking through the front doors. The man (or at least Arthur thought it was a man; it was hard to tell with how bundled up they were) must have had five layers on with a scarf and big winter hat drawn over his head so far that you could barely see his eyes. 

“Sorry I’m late,” the man squeaked, and Arthur felt his blood run cold. He would know that voice anywhere: Merlin. 

Merlin scurried over to sign in as quickly as he could, and upon looking for a spot to sit, glanced over at the sofa, and therefore at Arthur. 

Arthur could tell the minute that Merlin spotted him because the smaller boy stiffened up. However, because Merlin was one of the last people there, the only spot to sit was next to Arthur. 

Arthur watched as Merlin shifted from foot to foot, trying to decide what to do. He eventually stilled, and it was clear that he would rather remain standing than sit next to Arthur. 

That was fine by him. He and Merlin could avoid each other, and everything would be fine. Arthur knew that he had treated Merlin rudely a couple of times, but it wasn’t like he was going to apologize. 

‘Pendragon men never apologize,’ he heard his father say in his head, ‘it’s a sign of weakness, Arthur.’

Not long after Merlin’s entrance, the project leader clapped their hands, drawing everyone’s attention. “I just want to quickly thank everyone for giving up their Saturday morning and afternoon to help with our project. We’re going to split everybody into pairs of two randomly. One person will dig the holes and the other will plant the saplings.”

The minute they said that the pairs would be randomized, Arthur knew what was going to happen. He always had the worst of luck. 

He was proven correct when he heard his name called out, immediately followed by Merlin’s. The two boys’ eyes met, both filled with dread. When all the names had been called, Arthur stood up and slowly walked over to Merlin, trying to delay the impossible for as long as possible.

“Looks like we’ll be working together,” Arthur said awkwardly when he was right next to Merlin. Merlin merely grunted in response before moving towards the door. The two of them followed everyone else out of the building to where the organizers were handing out shovels and buckets of water with saplings in them. 

Merlin silently picked up a shovel, tubing, and stakes before walking away without even sparing Arthur a backwards glance. Arthur had to hurriedly grab a bucket, zip ties, and a hammer and jog to catch up with him. 

In his haste, he swung the bucket too much and some water spilled onto him, soaking through the right side of his pants. Swearing at the chill that overtook him, he finally caught up with Merlin and they walked side by side to an area that no one else had claimed yet.

Merlin stuck the shovel deep into the ground. Or at least, he tried to. The frozen ground stopped the shovel, and even when Merlin put his entire weight on the shovel it wouldn’t go further than four inches into the earth; nowhere near deep enough. 

“Um… why don’t I do the digging and you the planting,” Arthur quietly suggested. At this rate it would take twenty minutes to plant one sapling. Merlin scrunched his face up in frustration, “No, I’ve got it… I’m not weak.”

“I never implied that, you idiot,” Arthur felt his anger start to flare up. “I’m just saying that objectively I’m stronger than you… you know, because of the whole being an athlete thing.”

Upon seeing that Merlin wasn’t budging, Arthur tried a different tactic. “Plus, you’re thinking of adding a forestry management major to your environmental science major right? You probably know more about planting trees than I do… I might do it badly and kill the saplings.”

Merlin looked at him suspiciously. “How do you know what my major is? We don’t talk.”

“Gwaine, Lance, and Gwen talk about you a lot…” Arthur shrugged. “And I’m friends with all of them, so, I’ve, like, heard about you some.”

Merlin looked at Arthur stubbornly before pulling the shovel out from the ground and shoving it roughly towards Arthur.

“Fine. But it’s only because you’re right about you being too dumb to plant trees properly,” Merlin huffed. 

Arthur smiled victoriously and started digging a hole. Once he had dug a deep enough hole, he watched as Merlin gently carried a sapling over and placed it in the ground. Merlin proceeded to fill in the hole, patting the earth firmly around the base so that it would stand up straight.

He then stood up and Arthur helped him put up the protective tubing. Arthur then moved to start digging another hole, but Merlin stopped him. “That’s too close to this one, if you crowd them together they’ll die… also you can’t miss the naming ceremony.”

“I’m sorry… the  _ what _ ?”

“Well…” Merlin now looked self conscious, “I always name my plants.” He was bright red.

“Ah… of course,” Arthur awkwardly nodded. Could this boy get any stranger?

Merlin put his hand on the top of the tubing and bent his head in reverence. “I name thee, Sebastian…” He then turned to Arthur.

“Sebastian? That’s the best you can do?” Arthur mocked.

“Well, you’re naming the next one,” Merlin responded smugly, “So if you want to do any better you should probably start thinking of it now… lord knows how long it’ll take your small brain to think of something, we don’t have all day.”

With that Merlin grabbed the supplies and moved a distance he deemed far enough away. Arthur sputtered, but followed him. He wasn’t sure how, but Merlin always seemed to catch him off guard. 

“You know I’m a business major right? I’m plenty sm-”

Merlin cut him off. “Oh bless your sweet, poor, little heart,” Merlin patted his arm. “A business major… well, I should have known. Aren’t you precious.”

“Why do I feel like you’ve just insulted me?” Arthur was so confused.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Merlin said just a little too sweetly to be genuine.

Arthur felt shell shocked by every conversation he had with Merlin, but this one was especially baffling. Nevertheless, he planted the shovel into the ground with as much force as he could. He was so shell shocked in fact, that he completely forgot that he was supposed to be coming up with a name.

When Merlin looked at him expectantly, Arthur merely said the first name that popped into his head, which was, unfortunately, ‘Arthur.’

Merlin looked at him silently for a few seconds, before bursting out laughing, and Arthur had to admit that it was pretty funny as he tried to stifle his own giggle.

“I know I said that your brain was small, but how many concussions have you had, Arthur… you had almost five minutes, and all you could think of was your own name,” Merlin was fully bent over now, arms wrapped around his sides, cackling, and when he stood up Arthur saw him wipe tears from the corner of his eyes.

“Fuck you, Merlin,” Arthur responded, more teasing than the usual caustic tone he directed towards Merlin.

The rest of the afternoon alternated between the two trading teasing insults and extreme awkwardness as they remembered that they were supposed to hate each other.

About an hour before they were supposed to be done, Arthur could no longer hide his shivers; he really should have dressed warmer. Noticing this, Merlin commented on his lack of common sense.

“Well,” Arthur responded. “We can’t all be like you can we… how many layers do you have on?”

Merlin sniffed, turning his nose up at Arthur, “I’m from the south… I’m not used to the cold. I may look ridiculous, but at least I’m warm, unlike you.” Arthur had to admit that Merlin had a point.

When the two parted ways, Arthur felt like maybe they could eventually maybe be able to stand each other (even if Merlin was truly the weirdest person Arthur had ever met). 

Over the next week Arthur barely saw Merlin, only running into him a couple times in the hallways of the arena, never saying anything to each other.

Arthur didn’t think he would have had the energy to verbally spar with him anyways; Morgana had been working them all extra hard for the upcoming game against Brown. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he was sure it had something to do with Brown’s coach, Morgause.

He knew that Morgause and his sister were former teammates, and that they’d had a little bit of a falling out. There was not any other reason Arthur could think of for why Morgana was treating Brown like one of their biggest rivals; they had never been before she became Samwell’s coach.

While Brown was a good team, Arthur thought that Samwell’s chances were pretty good. Other than a couple of rough games, Samwell had been on fire; well over .500. Even though he had been wary of Morgana being his coach, he had to admit that she had done a great job so far. Her decision to promote Leon to alternate captain was a stroke of genius. Arthur had initially seen it as Morgana questioning his leadership, but having an alternate had taken a lot of pressure off Arthur's shoulders; even if he was still stressed all the time, it was less than before. 

One way that he dealt with the pressure was to go on runs. The next two to three weeks would be the last weeks for a long time that he could run outside. Soon it would get snowy and icy and he would be forced inside. Running on a treadmill just wasn’t the same, so he was enjoying every run outside, knowing that each one could potentially be the last one before winter truly arrived.

He was completing his warm down right now, looking forward to being able to go back to his apartment and spend a couple of hours alone before practice. He had had a hard week, and while the run had helped, he was still incredibly high strung. Going back to his room to mope a little bit sounded really good right now.

However, when he turned his key into the lock on his door, he found that it was already unlocked. He was immediately on edge, and cautiously opened the door; he was almost 100% certain he remembered to lock it.

Arthur felt both relief and frustration when he entered his living room to find Elyan, Leon, Gwaine, and Percy sitting on his couch; relieved because he hadn’t been robbed, but frustrated because now he’d have to play host instead of lying in bed.

The four boys were all intently focused on the TV, playing NHL 19, not even noticing that Arthur was home. One of them must have brought over extra controllers as they were all playing.

Arthur cleared his throat, drawing their attention. “Is there a reason you all are here?” He asked before quickly following it up with, “And how the fuck did you get into my apartment?”

“We just wanted to check on how you’re holding up,” Leon responded, looking Arthur in the eyes.

“What do you mean?” Arthur responded defensively.

Leon fixed him with an exasperated stare. “Did you forget I live right below you? I’ve heard your pacing all week, at all times of the day and night… you pace when you’re stressed… I haven’t heard you pace this much since last year right before… well, right before...”

Arthur flushed with embarrassment, dropping his eyes, playing with the hem of his shirt nervously.

Elyan jumped in, “So, Leon let us into the building and then Gwaine unlocked the door.” At Arthur’s glare, Gwaine raised his hands defensively, “Hey, you were the one who gave me the key…”

“I gave it to you for  _ emergencies _ , not to break into my apartment to play video games,” Arthur was starting to get really agitated. 

“After Leon told us about your pacing, we thought it might be.” Arthur was shocked to see that none of his friends looked even a little bit apologetic. Gwaine’s expression softened slightly, “Look Arthur, you can’t blame us for being concerned, especially when Leon told us that you acted similarly last year right before you-”

“We’re not talking about that!” Arthur felt like he was backed into a corner. “I’m fine, I’m just a bit stressed about the Brown game, it… it’s not like last year…” 

Percy motioned to the couch, “Come on then, we can just have fun playing video games together. That’s a normal thing friends do together.”

Arthur knew that there wasn’t a reason to be angry at his friends, but that did not mean he wasn’t. He tried to slow down his breathing, walking over to the sofa.

Percy handed him his controller. “Here, I’m done playing, you take a turn.” Arthur nodded, watching Gwaine shift until he was practically sitting on Perce’s lap. Arthur felt a pang of jealousy at the sight, before immediately banishing it; there wasn’t any reason to be upset by his friends’ relationship. He tried to center himself, gripping the controller tightly between his fingers, and turned his attention to the TV in front of him.

Although he would never admit it out loud, over the next hour Arthur felt the anxiety that he had been holding in all week leave his body. 

The fact that all five of them were sitting on the couch (even if Gwaine was on top of Percy) meant that they all were squished together. Even though he had been raised to believe that being ‘touchy-feely’ was a bad thing, that it made him less of a man, he craved physical contact, and the fact that his friends were willing to give it to him was a blessing.

Eventually they stopped playing all together, and simply sat on the sofa, basically cuddling, in a comfortable silence. Arthur felt more grounded than he had in a long time.

When it was time to head to practice, Leon stopped him before they left the apartment. “You know that you can talk to us right?” Arthur grunted in response. Leon pushed on, “And even if you don’t want to talk, I’m always here to just chill and play video games, and I know that all our friends would be willing as well… you don’t have to carry everything on your back alone.”

Arthur grunted again. He was afraid that if he tried to speak his voice would crack with the emotions he was feeling.

His relaxed state lasted less than an hour. Right before he entered the locker room, he saw Morgana motion him over. 

“I needed to talk to you quickly,” she said.

“Of course, what is it?” Arthur was concerned by how stressed Morgana looked.

She looked at him in sympathy, “Uther called me earlier… he’s coming to Saturday’s game against Brown.” They both stared at each other in distress. Arthur dropped his head in his hands.

_ Shit. _

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

Merlin sat at brunch with Gwen, George, and Elyan on Friday afternoon. Elyan was in a bad mood because of the upcoming game.

“Everything’s just really tense right now,” He explained. “Morgana’s made it clear that Brown is now our biggest rival behind Cenred’s team, and Arthur looks like he’s about to snap…”

Gwen hummed. “It might be because, well, Gwaine told me that Uther’s coming to tomorrow’s game…” George and Elyan both swore.

“Why is that a bad thing?” Merlin questioned. “Shouldn’t Arthur be happy that his father’s coming to see him play?” Merlin asked, before stuffing a forkful of pancakes into his mouth.

The other three friends looked at each other, silently trying to decide what to say. Finally, George sighed, “Well… it’s not really my place to tell you about everything that happened, but umm… Uther can be a little... hard on Arthur… in the past Uther’s presence hasn’t gone down very well.” 

Merlin took that in. It was clear that they weren’t willing to say anything else on the matter. Trying to change the subject, Gwen added, “Circling back to Morgana, I’ve always wondered what happened between her and Morgause…”

Merlin huffed. “I hate to always be this person, but who is Morgause and why does she matter?”

“She’s the current coach of Brown’s men’s hockey team. She and Morgana were college teammates. Like they were a huge deal. Brought Samwell’s women’s team two NCAA championships… they were super close too.”

“So what happened?” Merlin asked.

“So, Morgana was a year older and the year after she got drafted to the NWHL, Morgause had an awful year and people chalked her previous success to the fact that she and Morgana had been linemates, and when the draft came around, no teams took her…”

“But even so, Brown offered her a coaching spot,” Elyan added. “She was the only female coach in NCAA men’s hockey until well… Morgana had a career ending injury and ended up here.”

Merlin put the pieces together, “So after Morgause wasn’t drafted their friendship fell apart… like they have major beef now?”

“That’s our best guess,” Elyan answered with a shrug.

They ate the rest of their meal in subdued silence.

When Merlin arrived at the rink late Saturday afternoon to prep for the game he found himself feeling nervous. Even if he didn’t like Arthur that much, he did not want Arthur’s dad to shit on him.

Unfortunately, as soon as the game began everything seemed to go wrong for Samwell. Merlin, George, and Gwen watched the game on the TV in the break room, wincing at every mistake that was made (Mordred was lounging on the couch, reading some philosophy book, not paying attention at all). The worst part was that so far Arthur was the weakest player on the ice.

By the middle of the second period, Samwell was down 3-0. As Merlin, Mordred, and George skated out onto the ice, Merlin glanced over at the bench, noticing how defeated the entire Samwell team looked. 

He was so focused on the bench that he accidentally skated into one of Brown’s players. The player must have been almost a foot taller than Merlin, and so when the larger boy grabbed onto Merlin’s collar, Merlin froze up.

“Watch where you’re going, bitch,” the player hissed. However, before Merlin could even respond, Arthur skated up to the boy. “I’d let him go if I were you,” he threatened.

The Brown player dropped Merlin and skated off, muttering, “faggot,” under his breath as he passed Arthur.

Merlin saw Arthur stiffen at the other boy’s words. Merlin gave Arthur a genuine smile, “Thank you,” he said, placing a hand on Arthur’s arm. Arthur shrunk away as if he’d been burned, shrugging Merlin’s hand off as quickly as he could, looking around to make sure no else had seen it.

Merlin rolled his eyes and skated off, finishing scraping his portion of the ice before returning to the break room with the rest of the ice crew.

“What was all that about?” Gwen asked as they were walking back.

“I accidently skated into one of Brown’s players and Arthur stood up for me when the douche threatened me.”

“That was nice of him,” Gwen said. “See… I told you Arthur isn’t all bad.” Merlin hummed in response. 

When they had settled back down into the break room, Gwen let out a small “oh!” When everyone looked at her she explained, “I completely forgot, but Gwaine invited us out to eat after the game tonight… do any of you want to come?”

“Sure,” Merlin replied.

\-----------( POV: Arthur)-----------

He didn’t regret stepping in on Merlin’s behalf per say, but he definitely did not enjoy the consequences. #17, the player that had grabbed Merlin must have told his teammates about what happened, because for the rest of the game he was targeted (even though he was playing like shit).

He was checked harder, with whispered insults thrown his way.

“Pansy.”

“Sissy.”

“Faggot.”

It wasn’t like he’d never heard the words; it was hockey after all, but he felt desperate everytime one of the slurs was spit at him. Was he really so obvious that they could tell just by watching him interact with another man? Did his father know? Did everyone know?

The rest of the game passed in a blur. With every pass he missed, every shot he missed, he felt he couldn’t breathe. Not only had the other team figured him out, but his father was there. Oh god, his father… he’d be so disappointed. Arthur needed to prove himself tonight and he had fully choked.

By the time the game was over, Arthur had worked himself right up to the edge of a panic attack. The rest of the game was just one big blur. Arthur felt himself let loose, and while it wasn’t a good performance by any standards, he fought as hard as he could, trying to claw his way back to victory. Some people say that a cornered animal is the most dangerous, and Arthur was a prime example. He was vaguely aware that Samwell had made a comeback, that they had won, but that wouldn’t help him when it came to his father.

He hadn’t even made it to the locker room to change before he saw him. His father stood there, leaning against the wall across from the locker room entrance, waiting for Arthur.

Arthur let all of his teammates pass into the locker room before he approached his father. He didn’t want any of his friends to witness his humiliation.

“What did you think you were doing out there?” Uther’s voice dripped with disdain. “That might have been your most pitiful showing yet.”

Arthur didn’t have any response, so he just stood there quietly. His father wasn’t finished. “You tell me that you want to go pro and yet you can’t seem to fucking skate properly. One of the members of the fucking women’s team would have done better.”

“The implication that the members of the women’s team are weaker is inappropriate and false,” Arthur jumped in before being quickly cut off by his father. 

“Don’t interrupt me, boy.”

“Yes, sir,” Arthur felt like he was a small child again. 

“Your plus/minus rating was atrocious… a -4. Unacceptable,” his father continued, before pausing briefly. 

Suddenly his father grinned, knowing exactly what to say to destroy Arthur. “Your sister was always the superior child. Got better grades, was more athletic…”

Arthur felt like his breath had just been punched from his lungs at his father's words. 

“It’s time you accept that hockey is not for you and follow in my footsteps. Get your business degree and take over my company. I of course have a stand-in managing the company while I’m the chancellor, but if you work hard enough I’d be happy to make you CEO one day.” 

Uther’s voice was now softer, as if he was encouraging his son instead of tearing him down. 

Arthur croaked our a, “Yes, sir,” trying to keep from breaking down right there. 

“Good,” Uther clapped his hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Have a good night,” and with that Uther turned and walked away. Arthur stood in the middle of the hallway, unmoving.

He was startled out of his shock when he heard, “Um… Arthur? Are you okay?” Arthur whipped around to find Merlin staring at him with a worried look on his face. 

Merlin continued to talk, “I didn’t mean to overhear any of that, but um… if, if you want to talk about it I’d be willing to listen…”

“No.” Arthur responded shortly, still trying to keep himself collected, but failing as he felt his chest constrict painfully.

“Ok… well, even so I just wanted to thank-”

“Fucking leave!” Arthur yelled. “I don’t fucking want you here.” When Merlin didn’t move, Arthur moved towards him, physically pushing him away. He pushed harder than he meant to, and Merlin went crashing to the floor.

Arthur towered over Merlin for a few minutes before spinning, storming into the locker room. He couldn’t quite shake the mental image of how scared Merlin had looked when he’d shoved him.

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

As soon as Arthur entered the locker room, Merlin jumped up, stumbling away, struggling to breathe. He knew logically that Arthur probably hadn’t been trying to hurt him, but the blonde boy’s anger had reminded Merlin of all the times that he had been pushed around in high school.

He curled up behind a rack of equipment and tried to ground himself. He had no memory of how he’d gotten there or where he was. He had just started to calm down slightly when he heard someone yell, “Merlin… where are you?”

Merlin tried to respond, but he still couldn’t catch his breath enough to do much more than whisper. Suddenly, he felt someone touch his shoulder, and he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. 

“Whoa… Merlin, it’s me, Gwaine.” Merlin looked up at his friend. “I came looking for you when you didn’t show up to leave for dinner… and I heard someone breathing heavily back here… what’s going on?”

“I-I-I, Arthur, he- pushed… he was angry and- he pushed,” Merlin tried to get out. Gwaine squatted down so that he was at the same level as Merlin.

“Hey, bud, I need you to take some deeper breaths, can you follow me…” Gwaine took Merlin’s hand and placed it against his chest so that Merlin could feel how slowly Gwaine was breathing. It took Merlin several minutes, but eventually Merlin was calm enough to speak in full sentences.

“So, Arthur was mad at you?” 

“Yeah, I overheard his conversation with his dad, and, and afterwards he yelled at me…”

“You said something about pushing?” Gwaine prodded.

“Um… well, I’m sure he didn’t mean it, but he shoved me a little too hard and I fell… it just, I don’t have great experiences with jocks, and it brought me back to high school… I just panicked.” At Gwaine’s angry expression, Merlin tried to calm him down. “But I over reacted, it’s fine now, don’t worry about it…”

“It is definitely  _ not  _ fine,” Gwaine spoke through clenched teeth. “I don’t care how Arthur was feeling, he had no right doing that to you.”

“I mean… you’re right…” Merlin responded. “He didn’t have any right, but I don’t want you to make a big deal of it. I can take care of myself.”

They sat there silently for several minutes. Finally, Merlin broke the awkward silence, “Let’s get some food. I’m starving and I’m not even the one who played a hockey game tonight.” He nudged Gwaine’s shoulder with his own, trying to communicate that he was doing better.

“Sounds good to me,” Gwaine responded, but before either of them could stand up, they heard two female voices approaching them.

“Listen, Gana… I want to talk,” one of them said.

“I’m not the one who cut you out of my life, Morgause,” Morgana responded sharply.

“I didn’t ‘cut you out,’ you fucking left for the NWHL.”

“And you’re the one who was too jealous of my success to try and make this work… I wasn’t the one who broke things off… so don’t try to blame me.” 

There was silence as the two women squared off right in front of where Merlin and Gwaine were hiding. Morgause sighed. “I know I made a mistake, Gana, I want to make things right. I want to try again; I miss you…”

“So what, you only want me now that I’m not pro anymore! That I’m at your level again?” Morgana stomped away as she spoke.

Morgause chased after her, “No, wait Morgana, I didn’t mean it like that…” 

Then Morgana and Morgause were out of earshot, and Gwaine and Merlin stared at each other in shock.

“Holy shit,” Gwaine breathed. “Who woulda guessed…” After they had waited several minutes to make sure that they wouldn’t run into the women on their way out, Gwaine and Merlin made their way to the parking lot where their friends were waiting for them. 

“Hey, there you are!” Gwen exclaimed. “We were about to send in a search party.”

“We got a little side tracked,” Gwaine said, glaring at Arthur.

“Alright,” Gwen continued, “I convinced Arthur to come with us while we were waiting for you.”

Merlin stiffened. Gwaine looked like he wanted to punch something. “Sure thing,” Gwaine responded. “I just need to have a few words with Arthur for a minute…”

Before anyone could respond, he grabbed Arthur and dragged him behind a dumpster.

“Look here, Princess,” he growled. “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but how dare you treat Merlin like that… you sent him into a full blown fucking panic attack. You of all people should know how terrible that is.”

“That was a low blow,” Arthur hissed, recoiling, as if he was trying to protect himself from a physical attack. 

“Good.”

Arthur and Gwaine returned to the group, and the four of them walked in awkward silence to the nearby diner. Merlin noticed that Arthur spent most of the night staring at him, but when they parted ways, Arthur still hadn’t talked to him all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and/or kudos if you enjoyed :))))


	4. Year 1: Late October-Mid November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all sorry for the long wait! I'm taking a couple summer classes and they've really started to ramp up plus my mental health wasn't so hot for the last week and so it took me a lot longer to write this than I had planned :// BUT my plan from now on is to post at least 1 chapter a week  
> I've decided that the chapter titles are going to be the time period the story is in so y'all have a better idea of where we are in the story.  
> A huge thank you to axeljelridge for being an awesome beta, all remaining mistakes are my own  
> ALSO I just wanted to say that if you or someone you know is protesting right now in the US, stay safe and keep demanding justice!

Arthur woke up the morning after the game against Brown feeling guilty. He knew that he had acted poorly towards Merlin; that he had lashed out. But he did not know how to apologize. The thought of saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ made him squirm, and he didn’t know enough about Merlin to do anything for him.

He tried to banish his thoughts of Merlin from his mind and focus on his school work, but he found his mind wandering back to the image of the younger boy cowering in fear at Arthur’s feet throughout the day.

Before he knew it, there was only an hour left until evening practice. On one hand he was looking forward to it; nothing got him out of his head like a hard workout. On the other hand, he knew that he would probably run into Merlin at some point, and he was no closer to figuring out how to make it up to him than he was that morning.

He sat in the dining hall, head in his hands, when he had an idea. He pulled out his phone and texted Gwen, ‘Hey, I’m trying to apologize to Merlin… any ideas?’

After a few minutes, she responded. ‘Depends on what u did.’

‘So Gwaine didnt tell u?’

‘No…’

Arthur thought about how disappointed Gwen would be if she found out what he did. If Gwaine and Merlin hadn't told her yet, maybe they never would. He did not like lying to his friends, but he didn’t want to lose them either. 

Arthur could feel himself spiraling. He had already been worrying about Gwaine all day, and now he was imagining all his friends turning their backs on him. While he knew objectively that Gwaine would still be his friend, he was still scared that maybe this would be the last straw. Gwaine  _ had _ seemed extremely angry last night… he might not want to be friends with Arthur now that Gwaine knew how awful Arthur could be.

Thinking about how angry Gwen would be, he felt like he might be sick. With that, he responded, ‘Oh not much, I just got a little short with him last night.’ If Gwen ever found out that he’d lied about how badly he hurt Merlin there would be hell to pay, but that was a later problem.

‘In that case just get him a coffee... this is really sweet of u Arthur, I told him u weren’t that bad :)’

If possible, Arthur felt even more queasy. ‘Thanks Gwen, what type of coffee does he drink?’

By the time that he was outside the Starbucks, he was feeling a little bit better. He knew that it would take more than a coffee to smooth things over with Merlin, but it was a start. Plus, he was not actually trying to become friends with the weirdo, he just needed to get Gwaine off his back. He had noticed how close Gwaine and Merlin had gotten in the last few months and if he didn’t make some effort to apologize, Arthur didn’t like his chances of remaining friends with Gwaine.

Thinking about Gwaine also reminded him that Perce worked this shift; he could pick up Merlin’s coffee and then hang a couple minutes until Perce was off work. They’d be able to walk over to practice together.

With a small smile on his face, he pushed open the door, only to stop dead in his tracks when he caught sight of the cashier: Merlin. 

_ Fuck. _

Why was the younger boy seemingly always where Arthur was? When he had opened the door a bell had rung, alerting Merlin to Arthur’s presence. Arthur stood in the doorway for several minutes in a staring contest with Merlin before he was shoved out of the way by another patron trying to enter the store. 

Arthur tried to school his shocked expression, and joined the line to order. He still had not thought of what to say to Merlin when he stepped up to the counter, and so the first thing out of his mouth was something along the lines of, “uh...um...well, you see…” At Merlin’s unimpressed look, Arthur shut his mouth.

“What would you like to order today?” Merlin asked in a fake sweet tone.

“I’m actually ordering coffee for you!” Arthur blurted out.

Merlin simply raised his eyebrows. Arthur stumbled on, “Well, I wanted to apologize for last night, and so Gwen told me what your favorite coffee order was… but I’ll also have a black coffee for myself.”

Merlin looked at him with barely disguised disgust, “You actually think trying to buy my forgiveness with coffee counts as an apology?”

Arthur’s face turned bright red. “Just charge it to my fucking card will you,” he practically threw his debit card at Merlin, feeling off balance and defensive. He hated how easily Merlin could get under his skin.

“Fucking asshole,” Merlin muttered, but didn’t object any further. 

“What happened to being righteous about the fact that I was trying to ‘buy’ your forgiveness?” Arthur demanded, somewhat surprised, when he looked at the receipt to find that Merlin had indeed charged his order to Arthur’s card.

“You have enough money to spare,” Merlin shrugged dismissively. “And if you want to buy me coffee that’s fine, but it does not mean that I don’t still think you’re an unbelievable dick.”

Arthur huffed, but moved aside so that the next person could order. He saw that Perce was the one making the drinks and let out a sigh of relief. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about Merlin spitting in his coffee out of spite. 

“Hey, Arthur!” Perce greeted when he passed Arthur his coffee. 

“Hey, I was planning on waiting around until you got off work… we can walk to practice together. If you’re chill with that, that is.” Arthur tacked on at the end. He had not thought about it until that very moment, but it was very possible that Gwiane had told his boyfriend about Arthur’s behavior. Percy might not want to hang out with Arthur either.

“For sure, that’d be cool,” Percy replied nonchalantly, and Arthur let go of the breath he’d been subconsciously holding.

He smiled at Percy and went to sit down at a nearby table, pulling out one of his textbooks. While there was not that much time until practice, he figured it couldn’t hurt to get some of his work out of the way.

He was so focused that he lost track of time, only looking up when he felt a shadow fall over him. He found Perce and Merlin standing by his chair. “It’s time to go!” Percy announced, not noticing Merlin and Arthur glaring at each other.

“What is he doing here,” Arthur sighed. Percy looked at him, confused, “Well he has to go to practice as well…” he trailed off.

“True,” Arthur grumbled, standing up from his seat. He tried to take a couple of deep breaths; he did come to Starbucks with the intention of apologizing to Merlin, he needed to calm down. If he continued to let Merlin get under his skin, they’d always be at each other’s throat. 

Merlin had other plans. They had not been walking for more than five minutes when Merlin pointed at Arthur’s coffee cup, “I can’t believe you drink that shit, it's disgusting.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Arthur demanded.

“Black coffee tastes terrible.”

“Well at least mine isn’t predominantly sugar, unlike yours,” Arthur shot back. “Why would you drink something so unhealthy.”

“Because I don’t hate myself,” Merlin shot back. “I’m secure enough in my masculinity. I don’t have to drink liquid shit to make myself feel like a real man.”

Arthur seethed. “I am perfectly secure in who I am, so shut up!” he hissed, flailing his arms around in an attempt to emphasize his words.

“Um… guys, is everything okay?” Percy timidly interjected.

“Yes!” Arthur snapped at the same time that Merlin responded, “No!”

“Right… of course,” Perce awkwardly nodded his head, shooting nervous looks at both Arthur and Merlin, but not saying anything else. Merlin opened his mouth, clearly about to loudly air his grievances about Arthur, and in an act of desperation, Arthur clamped his hand over Merlin’s mouth.

Percy looked at Arthur like he’d grown a second hand, but Arthur still felt victorious for stopping Merlin (at least temporarily) from telling Perce about Arthur’s behavior. Arthur wasn’t able to bask in his glory for long though because Merlin’s automatic response was to lick Arthur’s hand in retaliation.

“What the fuck!” Arthur shouted, jerking his hand away from Merlin’s face and wiping his hand off on his pants. Merlin smirked at him, “You should be thankful I didn’t bite… I’ve been told I have sharp teeth.” Merlin bared his canines, looking quite satisfied with himself, but Arthur felt relieved when Merlin didn’t try to complain about Arthur to Percy again. 

“Fucking weirdo,” Arthur hissed, shaking his head in frustration. Percy was still just watching them with growing alarm and concern.

No one talked for the rest of the walk to the arena.

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

Merlin stalked back to the break room and slammed the door behind him. Gwen looked up at him, and noticing the coffee cup in his hand smiled, “So Arthur followed through on his apology, wasn’t that sweet of him.”

“It wasn’t jack shit,” Merlin growled. “If he can’t even manage to say the words ‘I’m sorry’ I don’t care how many coffees he buys me.” He turned on Gwen, angry, “Do you even know what he did last night?”

“He said he lost his temper a little bit…”

Merlin laughed mirthlessly. “See! The prat can’t even own up to what he did, let alone apologize.”

“What’d he do?” Gwen asked, concerned.

Merlin crossed his arms in a defensive position and glared at the floor. “He pushed me down for no reason and then screamed at me.”

Gwen swore. “I’m sorry Merlin,” she pulled him into a comforting hug. “I’ll definitely have words with him,” she said sternly before looking at Merlin apprehensively. “Just… I know he might not really deserve it right now, but try and give him a little slack, his father’s hard on him so sometimes he gets like this…”

Merlin broke out of her hug. “I need to take a walk,” he said stiffly. Before Gwen could say anything else, he left the room. He couldn’t believe that Gwen was not completely on his side on this one. He knew that she was Arthur’s friend as well, but Merlin was clearly in the right. He hadn’t done anything! Arthur had lashed out at him for no reason!

Last night he had initially been scared of Arthur, but by the time Merlin had gone to bed, he was furious. Arthur was a stuck up asshole who took his anger out on others, and Merlin did not want to be even cordial to someone like that.

He had been pacing for ten minutes when he bumped into Kilgharrah, the owner of the arena. Merlin had barely seen him since being hired, but every time he had the old man had spoken in riddles. 

‘Great,’ Merlin thought. ‘Just what I need right now…’

“Ah, young Merlin. What a coincidence to run into you.”

Merlin gave him a strained smile, hoping that if he didn’t say anything that Kilgharrah would not bother him. Merlin was not so lucky.

“You seem upset,” Kilgharrah pushed on, “What is the matter?” Merlin got the distinct impression that Kilgharrah would not leave until he answered, so he rolled his eyes. He briefly thought that maybe he shouldn’t be so rude to his boss or he might get fired. Wait, that might not be too bad of an idea… With that in mind, Merlin grumbled, “Nothing new… Arthur’s just being a royal prat. If I didn’t need the work study money I’d quit… maybe I can get a job somewhere else next semester…” he mused.

“You can not do that!” Kilgharrah practically yelled at Merlin. Merlin jumped in surprise. “What do you mean I ‘can’t’? You’d be able to find someone else to fill the spot.”

“Without you Arthur will never reach his full potential. He needs you to become the man he is meant to be.”

“We can’t even be within 50 feet of each other without arguing so that seems unlikely,” Merlin snarked back.

“You are two sides of the same coin, Merlin,” the old man explained. “Without the other, neither of you will ever reach your full potential.”

“Like that asshole could ever teach me anything,” Merlin sulked. “And he’s beyond saving. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so conceited. Mother Teresa herself couldn’t teach that boy humility.”

Kilgharrah chuckled slightly, “Still, fate has determined that the two of you are destined to help each other.” At that, Kilgharrah walked away.

Merlin stood in the hallway for several more minutes trying to calm himself down. He eventually let out a long sigh, and turned back towards the break room. No matter how he was feeling towards Gwen, he still had a job to do.

As he stood in front of the break room door, he thought about what he would say to Gwen. He knew that her heart was in the right place; he’d never questioned that. But that did not mean that he felt like he’d been betrayed.

When he still hadn’t figured out what he was going to say after a minute, he pushed the door open, deciding that he didn’t need to have a heart to heart with Gwen immediately. They’d still be able to talk about other stuff, and when the moment was right, they’d discuss their feelings when they had both settled down. He hadn’t known Gwen for that long, but he knew their friendship would survive this. 

The rest of practice was fairly normal, but as he tried to leave the building he heard Gwen yell out for him. He turned around to find Arthur being practically dragged by Gwaine and Gwen towards him.

When the trio reached Merlin, he raised one eyebrow. Arthur glared at the floor in silence for several seconds before Gwaine elbowed him in the side. Arthur shot Gwaine a mutinous stare before fixing his eyes back on the floor by Merlin’s feet.

“I just, um… wanted to say sor- that it was wro- that, well… that I shouldn’t have pushed you.” He then tried to rip his arms free from his captors, but they both held strong. “What!” He hissed at them, “I apologized, what else do you want.”

“What else are you sorry for?” Gwen asked sternly.

“Well…” Arthur still wouldn’t meet Merlin’s eyes. “I’ve been informed that I scared you last night and I shouldn’t have done that, so… will you forgive me?”

Merlin laughed. “While I appreciate what y’all are trying to do,” he gestured at Gwen and Gwaine, “If the clotpole’s going to apologize I’d rather he do it of his own volition, not being held against his own will.” Merlin turned to leave.

“Hey, I’m not an idiot!” Arthur tried to defend himself.

“Huh, imagine that,” Merlin hummed, “I’m surprised you even know what clotpole means, I had assumed that you couldn’t read, let alone understand Shakespeare.” Merlin shot Arthur a condescending smirk and walked out of the arena, hearing Arthur sputter behind him.

Gwen and Gwaine looked at each other in frustration, but let Arthur go.

\---

A week passed before Merlin had to truly interact with Arthur again. He was working a shift at Starbucks. He had found that he liked the job, especially since he worked most of the same shifts as Percy.

There was a lull in customers, and so Merlin and Percy were chatting. “So, how’s your first semester going?” Perce asked cheerily. 

“Pretty good… most of my lectures this semester are gen eds and intro level classes, so it hasn’t gotten that difficult yet. I’m looking forward to when I’m able to start taking more classes that I’m really interested in; you know… get actual field experience instead of just sitting in a classroom all day.”

“I get that yeah,” Percy responded. “I’m kind of in the same position. My classes are interesting and whatever, but I can’t wait to get out of the classroom more… I mean, like I volunteer at a local elementary school, but my school work won’t really be hands-on until next year, if I get into the program that is…” he trailed off nervously.

“What do you mean ‘get into the program?’”

“I’m hoping to get into a 5 year master’s program; I have to apply pretty soon actually, so this semester has been a lot of getting my paperwork together and such. It’s stressful, but I’m hoping my portfolio is good enough… I taught at a summer school program last summer, so that should give me a boost, but being on the hockey team takes up a lot of my time, and the application team might not think I’ll be able to devote enough time to my studies.” Percy’s shoulders slumped in defeat at the thought.

“Hey, don’t think like that. I’m sure you’ll get in,” Merlin said encouragingly. “Plus, the worst thing that happens is you don’t get in, and it takes you an extra year, year and a half to get your masters after you get your undergrad.”

“Thanks,” Percy gave Merlin a small, but genuine smile. “Gwaine’s always telling me stuff like that, he’ll be happy to hear that you agree.” The two of them laughed quietly.

“No problem,” Merlin answered, hesitating slightly before continuing, “Why do you want to be an elementary school teacher? I don’t think I’d have the patience honestly.”

Percy laughed. “I don’t know. I’ve always liked little kids, and well… I had a teacher in third grade who meant a lot to me… she was the first out person I knew, and well, I didn’t really know it at the time, but seeing her openly live her life, not ashamed, it meant the world to me, especially since my parents were never really into that stuff...” He looked over at Merlin. “If I can be that person to another little kid, then it’ll make all of this work worth it.”

“That’s very sweet, Perce,” Merlin patted Percy on the shoulder. “I would have killed for a queer role model like that, but small town Georgia, you know?” Merlin and Percy both grimaced. “…and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry your parents aren’t accepting.” He bumped into Percy’s side comfortingly.

“Ahh, well I didn’t mean to make it sound that drastic. They’re just still really weird and uncomfortable when it comes to queer people. I honestly don’t know how they’ll react when I tell them…”

“So they don’t know?” Merlin was a little surprised, Percy seemed so open here on campus that he assumed he’d be out everywhere. 

Percy shook his head, “No. Between how big I am and playing hockey, I don’t think they suspect anything… not that passing as straight is something I aspire to, but it has helped me out in this case.”

Merlin hummed in acknowledgement. “I don’t actually envy you, but sometimes I wish that I could have passed as straight back home… it would have made a lot of things easier…”

“I’m sorry that sucks… you seem close to your mom though?”

“Yeah, she was always supportive it was just everyone around us… ironically I initially got outed as a ‘lesbian’, even though I’m actually bi, cause I was seeing this girl back home… and once I figured out I was trans, it seemed like I might as well be public about it, seeing as everyone already didn’t like me…”

“Can I hug you?” Percy asked, and when Merlin nodded, he enveloped Merlin, as if Percy was trying to protect Merlin from the rest of the world. “I figured you were probably trans, sorry if that’s rude, but thanks for telling me.” Percy pulled back, smiling at Merlin. 

Merlin didn’t really know what to do or say. While he was happy that he had been passing enough to read as trans, he also felt the heavy disappointment that came with knowing that he didn’t pass well  _ enough  _ to avoid being clocked.

After several seconds of trying to decide how to end this emotionally fraught moment, he settled on simply extending his hand out for a fist bump. As their hands collided, Merlin could feel an additional understanding and camaraderie pass between them; one that formed from shared experiences of feeling like you had to hide yourself from other people.

Before Merlin could say anything else, the door opened and Arthur walked in. “Do you want me to take the register?” Percy offered quietly.

“No, I can handle him,” Merlin responded. Arthur walked up to the counter slowly, as if he was hoping Merlin’s shift would end, and a new cashier would take his place, before Arthur reached his destination.

When he finally shuffled up to the counter, Arthur sighed, “Merlin,” he greeted stiffly.

“Arthur.”

“I’d like one black coffee.”

“What, no coffee for little old me?” Merlin asked, resting his hand over his chest in mock shock.

Arthur rubbed his eyes, “I thought you didn’t want to be ‘bought’?”

Merlin hummed. Arthur threw his hands up in frustration. “Do you want me to buy you a coffee?”

“Nope.”

“Then why’d you look offended when I didn’t order you anything?”

“I like to keep you on your toes is all,” Merlin responded cheekily. “Perce, one black coffee for the prat, spelled P R A T.” Percy snorted and quickly prepared the coffee before handing it to Arthur.

Lo and behold, when Arthur twisted the cup around he saw that Percy had written ‘prat’ in all capital letters as Arthur’s ‘name.’’’ Arthur tried to muster up his best glower. “You do know that I’m your captain right? I can have you skate as many suicides as I want…”

Percy blanched for a second before remembering something. “Well Leon would never let you, you’re not the only captain anymore,” Percy laughed genially. Arthur let out one of his famous long suffering sighs.

“See you later,” he waved to Percy.

“Wait!” Percy called after him, causing Arthur to turn. “Are you able to make it to my show next Thursday?”

“Sorry Perce, I have a scheduled dinner with Gana and Uther, I’ll make it to the next one I promise.” To Merlin’s surprise Arthur really did look sorry.

Percy grimaced at the mention of Uther. “RIP, I hope it doesn’t go too poorly.” He glanced over at Merlin surreptitiously, but forged on. “And Arthur, if you need to talk afterwards don’t hesitate alright?”

Arthur gave Percy a genuine smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He waved at Percy, looked menacingly over at Merlin, and then left the shop. 

Percy glanced down at his watch. “Right, our shift’s almost over.” Merlin nodded and started to clean up his space. When their replacements arrived, Merlin and Percy walked out together. Right before they parted ways, Percy startled. 

“Oh, I almost forgot! I wanted to invite you to the show that I mentioned to Arthur. It’ll be fun if you have the time,” he smiled hopefully at Merlin.

“You said it’s next Thursday evening, right?” Merlin double checked. When Percy nodded, Merlin continued, “Yeah that works for me, just let me know the details and I’ll come.”

“Great!” Percy responded enthusiastically, “I need to get to rehearsal actually; talk to you later!”

“Yup,” Merlin replied, waving goodbye to Percy. He watched as the older boy turned a corner, feeling warm as he thought about their earlier conversation; he’d never thought he would find queer friends on the  _ hockey team  _ of all places, but Samwell seemed to be full of surprises. He was broken out of his reverie when someone bumped into him as they hustled past, and Merlin turned and walked back to his dorm. 

\-----------( POV: Arthur)-----------

Arthur felt like he was on the top of the world. Tonight's game had been the last one before the dinner with his father in a little bit more than a week that he was dreading, and it had gone nearly perfectly. Not only had Samwell won handedly, but Arthur had notched a goal and two assists. Not even his father could find fault with his performance tonight.

Normally he didn’t really go to the kegsters after games but he wanted to celebrate tonight. That’s how he found himself at the hockey frat, feeling tipsy, as he danced in the middle of a crowd of people.

He felt someone come up behind him and start to dance up on him. Arthur turned his head to see who it was and found himself staring into bright green eyes. Eyes that belonged to a brown haired man. 

Normally Arthur would have pushed the boy off of him immediately. It wouldn’t do to have someone notice him in such an intimate position with another man. However, Arthur was just tipsy and happy enough to relax back into it, continuing to dance, enjoying it when he felt strong arms grip his waist. 

He stayed like that for ten more minutes before moving away and weaving his way to the kitchen to get another beer. He grabbed one from the fridge and popped the cap off. He stood, leaning against the kitchen counter, trying to catch his breath.

He couldn’t have been alone for more than five minutes when the green eyed man walked into the kitchen, giving Arthur an obvious up and down look before smirking.

“I thought I saw you head this way,” he moved closer to Arthur. Arthur smiled lazily back at him.

“Mmm, and what did you have planned when you found me?” he teased. By this time the other boy had positioned himself right in front of Arthur, much too close to pass it off as two bros talking if someone else were to walk in.

He leaned in to whisper in Arthur’s ear. “I had a couple ideas and most of them involve moving to a more private place.” As he pulled back he nipped lightly on the side of Arthur’s neck.

Arthur let out an undignified whimper in surprise, nodding, eyes half lidded, “That sounds like a great idea. Your place or mine?”

“Mine.” The boy started to lead Arthur towards the front door, when Arthur froze up. “You can’t tell anyone about this,” he insisted, desperately searching those green eyes for answers.

“I won’t, just come on,” the green eyed boy assured. They succeeded in making a sneaky exit, walking briskly through the cold night. When they were about halfway to the other boy's apartment, Arthur grabbed him and pushed him up against a building, smashing their lips together. 

It wasn’t a particularly good kiss, all teeth and awkward angles, but Arthur did not care. Arthur moved down, sucking a hickey at the base of the man’s neck. He didn’t have a sense of how long they stayed like that, but the other boy eventually gasped out, “We should really get to my place.”

Arthur reluctantly let go, and they both practically jogged to the man’s apartment. As soon as the door closed, Arthur was slammed against it, this kiss more skilled, but no less intense as the ones they’d shared outside.

Arthur found himself involuntarily bucking up against the man, feeling more turned on then he’d ever been before, bringing one hand up to run it through the other boy’s hair. When they eventually had to break apart to breathe, Arthur looked at the blown pupils and ruffled hair and clothes of the boy in front of him and figured he probably didn’t look much better himself.

“As fun as this is, I think moving to your bedroom is a good idea,” Arthur panted out, once again following the boy as he led Arthur back to his room.

The next morning Arthur awoke to a warm body pressed up against his back. He initially melted back into it, before the memories of last night flooded into his mind. All of a sudden he felt like he couldn’t breathe as he looked at the clock on the bedside table.

It was 6. He’d have to hurry to get back in time to shower and still make it to morning practice on time. Luckily the boy (they had never exchanged names) was still asleep, and Arthur was easily able to extricate himself, wincing slightly as he stood up and started to walk around, quickly pulling on last night’s clothes, and sneaking out of the building.

He thought that luck might be on his side for once as he entered his building; he hadn’t run into anyone he knew on the way there. Hoping to avoid anyone else, he decided to take the stairs, taking them two at a time.

He was going so quickly he almost ran into someone going down the stairs. He closed his eyes in defeat when he noticed the person was Leon. 

“Hey, Arthur…” Leon looked him up and down. Arthur knew he looked like he was making a walk of shame and groaned in embarrassment, trying to figure out how he was going to spin this. 

“Hey, Leon. Need to go shower before practice, you know how it is, ran into a puck bunny last night, and well... how could I say no.” He tried to smirk, but it looked more like a grimace.

Leon nodded. “Right of course.” Arthur moved to continue his way up the stairs, but Leon stopped him, looking conflicted. “You know… I saw you dancing with some guy last night and you left with him, and that’s obviously fine… I guess I just wanted to say that it wouldn’t be a bad thing if you were interested in m-…”

“Well, I’m not,” Arthur snapped a little too harshly, cutting Leon off, and ripping his arm out of Leon’s grasp.

“Okay, I believe you… just always remember you can talk to me, or anyone else on the team, about anything…”

Arthur didn’t even respond, just pushing himself passed Leon. He tried to take a couple of breaths when he was out of sight. He showered as quickly as possible and still barely made it to practice on time. Normally, Arthur liked to be the first one there, but today he was dead last.

He tried to change as quickly as he could, but his late entrance had drawn the attention of all of his teammates.

“Princess, are those hickeys I spy?” Elyan joked. “Someone got lucky last night.”

Gwaine chimed in, “And those are definitely hand-shaped bruised poking out from under your boxers, you dog!”

Arthur did his best to ignore them, but by the time he had gotten all of his gear on everyone was clamoring for deets.

He was only saved by Morgana yelling at everyone to get off their asses and onto the ice. 

His relief was short-lived. While he had been sore all morning, trying to skate was infinitely more painful. He tried to hide it, but it was obvious to everyone on the ice that Arthur was skating slower and sloppier than usual. 

Three-quarters of the way through practice Gwaine slid up next to him. “If I didn’t know better, Princess, I’d say that based on how you’re skating, someone took it up the ass last night… at least from personal experience,” Gwaine chuckled being his usual crass self. 

Arthur felt like his face must have been the shade of a tomato. “Why the fuck would I do something like that, you perv.”

“Now now, I was mostly joking princess, but I’d be careful with what you said next about what is and isn’t gross considering present company.” Gwaine narrowed his eyes at Arthur in a combination of anger and suspicion as to why Arthur had reacted so violently. 

“Well it wasn’t fucking funny!” Arthur yelled, storming off the ice, everyone looking at him in surprise. 

“Where do you think you’re going?!” Morgana yelled after him. “Practice isn’t finished.” But Arthur didn’t even look back as he strode towards the locker room. 

Arthur couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. He’d let his guard down for one night, and already people were figuring him out. 

He threw off his gear as quickly as he could. He did not want to still be here when the rest of his teammates were done with practice. 

If he was just some nobody at Samwell, it wouldn’t matter that he was gay. However, he knew that his father would never approve, and his father had spies watching him everywhere. He knew that was the real reason he had made Morgana coach; to keep an eye on him.

She didn’t follow Uther’s orders, but still. He knew that if he was even a little out of the closet his father would find out.

Plus, he wanted to go pro, and he knew that if the NHL knew that he was gay, he could kiss his dreams goodbye. The league may have the ‘You Can Play’ campaign, but everyone knew it was really just lip service. Every year some player would get caught throwing slurs around while mic'd up, and that was when they knew they were being recorded. Arthur knew how much worse it could get when the cameras weren’t rolling.

So, no. He had had a lapse in judgement, but it wouldn’t happen again. He could be out when he was retired and his father was dead, but until that point, openly being who he was wasn’t an option.

He steeled himself at the thought. As he left the locker room, he knew exactly what he had to do.

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

When he and the rest of the ice crew made their way onto the ice to do maintenance, he noticed that Arthur was nowhere to be found. He shrugged it off. The dumbass could do whatever he pleased, Merlin did not care.

However, as soon as they were done, Gwaine rushed up to them, his hair still wet from the showers. “Did any of you see Arthur on his way out? He stormed out of practice thirty minutes before it was over.”

Merlin thought that Gwaine looked a bit panicked. Gwen shook her head, “No, sorry Gwaine… did something happen?”

Gwaine ran his hand through his hair, “I made a joke I shouldn’t have, I know how sensitive Arthur is to that sort of stuff, but I didn’t think before I spoke and he freaked out..”

“Calm down,” Gwen rubbed her hands up and down Gwaine’s arms, trying to soothe him. “Before we start panicking, why don’t you text him, ask him if he wants to get lunch with us.”

Gwaine nodded, and pulled out his phone, shooting off the text to Arthur. They didn’t have to wait long. When he heard his phone ping, Gwaine looked down at the message, his expression quickly shifting from relief to shock.

“What is it?” Gwen pushed.

“I don’t know, I just thought that he was…” Gwaine trailed off, before shaking his head and showing Gwen and George the text. Merlin was not sure why, but Gwen, George, and Gwaine all looked baffled by whatever Arthur had sent.

“Well, what’d he say?” Merlin asked impatiently. Gwaine looked him right in the eye, still clearly confused.

“Arthur says he’ll come… as long as he can bring his girlfriend along.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this plz leave a comment and kudo, I need validation to live (plus it motivates me to write quicker, so you'll get more updates) :))))))


	5. Year 1: Late November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I'm hoping to have the next chapter out a little bit earlier, but if not I'll see y'all next Monday! Axeljelridge is my hero for being an awesome beta and hyping me up :)  
> All remaining mistakes are my own

Merlin was not sure why he had been dragged along, but he was sitting with Gwen, Gwaine, and Mordred in the diner, waiting for Arthur and his date to arrive. At least Mordred had also been forced to come, Merlin thought bitterly; small victories.

Gwen and Gwaine were whispering furiously, obviously trying to make sure that Merlin and Mordred did not hear whatever they were talking about. 

Mordred looked bored. “Who cares about who Arthur’s dating?” Mordred muttered, pulling a book out of his bag. For once, Merlin agreed with the smaller boy.

Merlin knew better than to ask Mordred what he was reading, and since Gwen and Gwaine seemed preoccupied, Merlin sat in awkward silence until Arthur arrived. As soon as the tall, blond boy approached the table, Gwaine and Gwen stopped their conversation, trying (and failing) to look unsuspicious.

Walking next to Arthur was a tall woman with long brown hair that framed her face. Arthur shifted from foot, his smile not reaching his eyes. “Everyone, I wanted to introduce my girlfriend, Sophia. We’ve been circling each other for a while, and so I finally asked her out last night, and she agreed.”

“It’s so nice to meet you all,” Sophia smiled, and even though her smile was large, Merlin felt as if there was something off about her and Arthur. He clearly was not the only one. Both Gwen and Gwaine were giving her suspicious looks. Mordred had not paused to look up from his reading.

Once their food had all arrived, Gwen looked at Sophia, who was practically sitting in Arthur’s lap. “Sophia, how’d you and Arthur meet? I don’t think I’ve ever heard Arthur mention you.”

Merlin had to suppress his laughter at Gwen’s comment. Even though he knew she’d grown up in Boston her whole childhood, she could have gone toe to toe with a true bred southerner when it came to her passive aggressive barbs.

“I could say the same about you,” Sophia responded, smiling primly as she stared down Gwen. Gwen was not cowed. “Really? Cause me and Arthur see each other multiple times a day, so that seems unlikely if you do hang out with Arthur as much as he claims.” The disdain dripped from every word Gwen spoke, leading Mordred to raise his head from his book for the first time since they’d sat down.

The small boy snorted, “Gwen 1, Sophia 0,” he nonchalantly murmured before immediately going back to his reading. Sophia’s cheeks became flushed in embarrassment, as did Arthur’s.

Before Gwen or Sophia could say anything else, Arthur jumped in, obviously trying to do damage control. “Sophia is on the volleyball team and her father is a long time friend of mine, so we’ve known each other for a long time. I had hoped that my friends would be happy that I had found someone.” With that he sent a glare at Gwen and Gwaine.

Gwaine looked unsure. “Well, if you are truly happy, then of course we’re happy for you, we’re just a little surprised by your announcement…” Gwen nodded in agreement.

Everything was slightly strained, but not too bad for a few minutes, before Sophia turned to Merlin, Mordred, and Gwen.

“So… you three are obviously not on the men’s hockey team, so how do you know Arthur?”

Merlin smiled, “We work as the ice crew for the arena so we spend a lot of time around the hockey team.”

“Ahh…” she trailed off, looking at Merlin closely. “You looked butch enough that I thought you might be on the women’s team and met him at one of the joint hockey events.” She winked and laughed as if she was sharing an inside joke with Merlin

Merlin froze, feeling cold all over. No matter how much he thought about it, he never seemed to be able to speak up when people clocked him in public. He felt like he was trying to retreat back into his sweatshirt like a turtle might with its shell when threatened.

Everyone else at the table jumped to Merlin’s defense (including Arthur and Mordred, to Merlin’s surprise). He was even more surprised when Arthur was the first one to really try and defend Merlin to Sophia.

“That was uncalled for Sophia. I told you who was coming to lunch and I used he/him pronouns when referring to Merlin. I hope that was an honest mistake. There’s no need to be nasty; especially not to Merlin, he hasn’t done anything to you.” 

Merlin was barely able to hear the last part of Arthur’s speech because Gwen, Mordred, and Gwaine’s voices were all raised as well, overlapping in a way where Merlin couldn’t really pick out distinct words. It was loud and chaotic, but it made Merlin smile.

Sophia shot Arthur a pointed glare, and Arthur immediately shut his mouth. So much for his support, Merlin thought bitterly. 

Sophia turned to Merlin. “I’m sorry, Merlin, I’m sure you’ll forgive my mistake,” she said in a tone that made it clear that it wasn’t a mistake and that she was not sorry. And yet, all Merlin could seem to do was stutter something along the lines of, “O-of course… don’t worry about it, it’s really not a big deal… I totally understand how you could make the mistake...” Merlin mentally bashed his head against a wall. He couldn’t even stand up for himself with friends backing him up. He could feel the heat rush to his face as he stared intently at his shoes.

Sophia was still not done, “Arthur, I think it’s so cute that you hang out with the staff… that’s so generous of you.” 

Gwen stood up quickly, “Alright, fuck this I’m leaving… Merlin, Mordred, let’s go.” Gwaine also made to leave. Arthur was sputtering, trying to get Gwaine and Gwen to stay. Once they had all collected their things, Gwen turned on Arthur, “I hope you eventually come to your right mind. She-” at that, Gwen pointed aggressively at Sophia, “is a bitch. And if she really does ‘make you happy’ as you claim, then I don’t know you as well as I thought, because the Arthur I know doesn’t let people talk down to his friends.”

Gwen then whipped around and left the restaurant. As Merlin followed her he could hear Arthur saying, “Wait, she did not mean all that. Please come back…” But no one even spared a look back at Arthur as they walked away.

\-----------( POV: Arthur)-----------

Arthur did not know what the hell he was doing. 

He had known that he needed to get a girlfriend as soon as possible to convince his friends that he hadn’t slept with another man, and Sophia seemed like the easiest option.

Arthur had not been lying about the fact that he and Sophia had grown up in the same social circles; both of their fathers had been friends for a long time. Well, friends was a bit of a stretch. They had both owned weapon manufacturing companies in the private sector and had worked together to dominate the industry.

And Sophia had made it clear for a long time that she was interested in him. She was a lot of things, but timid wasn’t one of them; when they were both 17, she had asked him out, and he had been trying to avoid her at gatherings ever since. He hadn’t been very successful, as they were both Junior business majors in a small school, so they had many classes in common, but he had certainly tried.

So when Arthur knew he needed a girlfriend fast, he figured she’d be the quickest and surest bet. Even with how uncomfortable she had made him in the past, he did feel guilty about leading her on. Sophia wasn’t stupid though, and Arthur knew she was suspicious of his sudden change of mind and his insistence that she needed to pretend like they’d been together for longer than they had been. 

Arthur wasn’t exactly sure why she hadn’t called him out on it, but he was not complaining. However, this would be a lot harder if she was going to be rude toward all of his friends and Merlin (even if Arthur was trying to apologize, he and Merlin would still never be  _ friends _ ). 

Arthur realized he and Sophia had been sitting in silence for several minutes in the booth after everyone else had stormed out. He turned his body slightly so that he was looking at Sophia in bewilderment.

“Why would you say stuff like that, Soph?” He implored. “I think you managed to personally insult each of them in less than half an hour…”

She rolled her eyes. “They were overreacting. And I had to do something… they were rude to me first, and my  _ boyfriend _ didn’t have the balls to stand up for me.” She looked at Arthur condescendingly. “I’m doing you a favor, and you couldn’t even defend me.”

“Wh-what do you mean,” Arthur winced as he stumbled over his words. Sophia looked at him in exasperation. 

“I’m not fucking dumb Arthur. I don’t know why, but you're lying to your friends about us.” She pointed a finger at Arthur. “And I’m playing along for now, but if you’re going to be ungrateful, watch how long that lasts.”

There went Sophia not calling him out. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve just realized that I’ve liked you for a long time.” If Arthur couldn’t even manage to convince Sophia that he actually wanted her, then this wasn’t going to work very well. He needed to stop stuttering for god’s sake.

Sophia didn’t even bother looking at him now, packing up her bag, as she went on, “So if you don’t have a good explanation for why you’re doing this, then I suggest you watch who you’re accusing of being rude to your friends.”

Arthur could feel his hands shaking, and was glad they were under the table where Sophia couldn’t see them. She slid out of the booth, towering over Arthur, and looked pointedly at him once more, her tone ice cold, “Because I’m not the one blatantly lying to my so called ‘friends’. That’d be you.” She sneered as Arthur flinched. “I’m not going to call this off because being together benefits me as well, but the moment that stops being the case, you’ll have some explaining to do to your precious  _ friends _ .”

When Arthur didn’t respond, she started to walk away, calling over her shoulder, “I’m sure you can cover the tab. Talk to you later, sweetheart,” she said in a sickeningly sweet tone, and pushed open the door.

Arthur felt like he was drowning in guilt. Guilt over his hookup. Guilt over using Sophia. Guilt over deceiving his friends. He hadn’t even thought about that last one until Sophia had brought it up. God, he had been so focused on clearing his name, he hadn’t bothered to think of how he’d explain everything to his friends if they found out.

He did not know how long he sat there, staring blankly at the table in front of him. Finally, a waiter approached the table, clearing some of the plates, breaking Arthur out of his trance. Arthur gave the man his card, and when it was handed back to him, Arthur stumbled out of the restaurant feeling numb.

He spent the rest of his day mindlessly going through the motions, not able to focus on any one task because he was consumed with fear and shame.

When he woke up the next morning he felt slightly better; not good by a long shot, but a little more grounded. He threw on some sweats, and headed to the kitchen to scarf down some food and take his meds. He stared at his ‘take as needed’ anxiety pills, wondering if he should use one, before deciding against it. He was feeling better, he didn’t need to rely on drugs. He was strong enough to handle it on his own, he thought, as he grabbed his jacket and left his apartment, heading to his morning business management class. 

He felt a mixture of hope and anxiety as he thought about how George was in the class with him. Had Gwen and Merlin told George about Sophia? Would George still sit next to him?

Arthur didn’t fully understand George, but he’d grown to appreciate his company. They both liked having things in order, and when you were part of a men’s sports team, order was extremely rare. 

Arthur’s reasons for also needing to be in control came from his father, but from what Arthur could tell, George simply just really enjoyed having things just so. That was the thing that was still a mystery to Arthur. 

When he reached the classroom, he noted that George was already seated near the front of the class like always. Arthur cautiously approached him, and when he had made it to the row, he asked, “Is it still ok if I sit here?” Arthur gestured toward the seat next to George. 

“Of course,” George reassured, a knowing look in his eye. “I heard you're seeing someone…” George commented, and Arthur grimaced. 

“Yeah… Sophia’s a bit to get used to, but once you know her she’s really nice,” Arthur tried to seem sincere. He could do this. He felt bad about how she had treated Gwen and Merlin, but when it came to the people he dated he didn’t owe anyone an explanation. 

George hummed. Arthur couldn’t seem to calm his body down, and so he reached down to his bag to pull out his computer and notebook to give his hands something to do besides shake violently. He was starting to regret not at least packing some anxiety meds just in case. 

George followed his lead, booting up his laptop. He then pulled out his notebook, two pens, and three sharpened pencils. He placed them all carefully near the top of the small desk, fidgeting with them until they all lined up perfectly in a row. 

This was not new or strange for George. When Arthur had first sat next to George in a class, Arthur had looked at George in bewilderment, gesturing towards George’s meticulously laid out space. 

“I like things organized,” George had shrugged. Arthur pointed at the stationary. “But why do you need three pencils and two pens?”

“Well… the first pen and highlighter could run out of ink, and the pencil could break.” George’s cheeks had begun to glow red in embarrassment. “And if one pencil can break, then the second one could as well, so I always have three…” He trailed off, sinking lower into his chair. “I understand that it’s ridiculous, but-”

“It’s not ridiculous!” Arthur interjected. “I was just wondering is all... I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” George seemed to relax a little bit, so Arthur continued, “I think it’s smart actually… sometimes my stuff breaks or runs out of ink and I miss information cause I’m shuffling through my bag trying to find an extra, so it’s smart to have a spare or two.” 

George had a small smile on his face now, “Well, that’s nice of you. And, if, well... if you ever need an extra, I guess I could lend you one if need be as long as you return it.” George had been fiddling with the bottoms of his sleeves. Arthur had been slightly confused at how someone who was so commanding in the ice crew could also be so easily flustered.

“I’d really appreciate that, George,” Arthur had smiled genuinely. Without fail, George always had his extras, and for exams he’d even lay out four pencils “just in case”. 

George nudged Arthur, breaking him out of his reverie. George looked slightly nervous, “Can I speak honestly with you?” he asked.

“Of course,” Arthur nodded, “I don’t see why not, we are friends aren’t we?” Arthur had meant for that to sound more rhetorical, but it sounded more like a plea.

“I’d like to think we are,” George responded. He sighed, “I’m sure other people have said it, but if you need to talk about anything I’m here for you.” George looked down at his hands. “I know we’re not the closest, but don’t hesitate to reach out if you need it..”

Arthur felt his breathing rate pick up as he panicked. Was he really that bad of an actor that everyone knew something was wrong immediately. After one beat too long, he croaked out, “Well, thanks, but I’m fine… but, same goes to you… you can talk to me if you need…”

They both sat there in awkward silence until the professor started class. Throughout the rest of class, Arthur was tense, barely interacting with George. However, when they were walking out of the lecture hall, Arthur pulled George aside. Arthur knew that he shouldn’t take his fear and anger out on George.

“I’m sorry for being cold, I… I just…” Arthur tried to come up for a believable explanation. “I’m just a bit upset that Sophia and the others didn’t get along yesterday… I want the important people in my life to get along.” There, not a complete lie, just an excuse that left out some details.

George’s eyes softened. “I’m not mad at you Arthur, you really don’t have to apologize.” He clapped Arthur on the shoulder. “And if you like her, I’m sure she’s a good enough person… yesterday was probably just a misunderstanding… I can’t wait to meet her.”

Arthur smiled unconvincingly. “Yeah, I’m sure she’ll get along with everyone eventually.” Arthur looked down at his phone, noticing that Sophia had texted him just a few minutes before. 

_ To Arthur: hey babe, wanna go to a party tonight? _

Arthur waved his phone at George, “Speak of the devil,” he chuckled before mentally berating himself; if he wanted people to believe in his relationship, he shouldn’t refer to his girlfriend as the fucking devil.

“Alright, Arthur, I’m gonna go, see you at practice later,” George gave Arthur a small wave, and headed out of the building.

Arthur looked back down at his phone, thinking of a response.

_ From Arthur: um, it’s the middle of the week? I have classes tmw idk _

_ To Arthur: don’t be a loser, it’ll be fun ;) _

Arthur bit his lip, worried. He really didn’t want to go to this party, but the sooner he could show off his girlfriend to everyone, the better. After going back and forth for several minutes, he typed out his response. __

_ From Arthur: ok im down… can I invite some of my friends to tag along? _

Arthur waited five minutes before pocketing his phone and leaving the building himself, heading over to the dining hall. When he sat down with his food 20 minutes later, she still hadn’t responded. Arthur knew she didn’t have class right now, and Sophia normally responded almost immediately. 

_ From Arthur: did I do something wrong _

Arthur bit his lip hard, staring at his phone screen, feeling too nervous to eat. He needed this to work with Sophia; at least for a little while. Ten minutes later, Arthur’s phone began to buzz, the caller ID showing it was Sophia.

He picked up the phone as quickly as he could. “Hey, Soph, is something wrong?” Arthur blurted out.

He could hear Sophia give a deep sigh. When she spoke it sounded as if she was on the verge of tears. “Why can’t we hang out alone Arthur?” she asked. “You always have to bring your friends everywhere we go.”

“O-oh… ok, well we can go alone that’s totally fine,” Arthur stuttered out, trying to calm her down.

“Thank you,” Sophia responded, sounding suddenly cheerful. “Meet me at my place at 11pm, we’ll walk over together.” Before Arthur could even answer, she had already hung up on him. 

His day did not get any better when he got to practice. Morgana pulled him aside before he could enter the locker room. “I know you’ve been trying to avoid me,” she stated, an undercurrent of rage in her voice, “But your behavior at practice the other day was unexceptable.”

When Arthur looked like he was going to speak, she put her hand up to silence him. “So I just wanted to let you know that I’ve made the decision to bench you for this weekend's game.” She stared at him coolly. 

“But-” Arthur began. “I-I’m the captain, you can’t bench me…”

“Watch me,” Morgana spit out. “I will not play favorites just because you are my brother… and if you want to remain the captain of this team then fucking act like it.”

Arthur felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. It must have shown on his face because Morgana’s face softened infinitesimally. “It’s only one game,” she put her hands on Arthur’s shoulders. “If you need help, then tell me, or anyone… I’m not saying you’re a bad person or even that you’re a bad captain, you just made a mistake that has consequences.”

Arthur nodded his head, breathing shakily. “Will you tell Uther about this when we have dinner with him tomorrow?” Morgana shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t do that to you…”

“Thanks,” Arthur’s voice cracked. He hated how vulnerable he had seemed lately. Normally he was better at hiding than this. Or maybe it was just because everyone was aware of what to look for. Either way, it seemed like everyone in his life could read him like an open book.

“Go get dressed,” Morgana pushed him towards the locker room door. 

Practice was brutal. Morgana had him do bag skates for at least half of practice, and once he was allowed to join regular practice, he was so tired that he couldn’t really keep up with his other teammates.

By the time that he had gotten out of his gear and showered, even the thought of going to the party with Sophia had him wanting to sleep for a hundred years. Nevertheless, he dragged himself across campus to her apartment. When he got there he texted her to let her know, and she told him she’d be down in a second.

When he had been waiting out in the cold for fifteen minutes he called her. She didn’t pick up and he hung up, annoyed, when he heard her voicemail message start. A big part of him just wanted to leave. He knew that going was a bad idea. He needed routine, and going out to a party on a Wednesday would throw him off for days. Even with every part of him screaming to go home, he simply texted Sophia again to ask when she’d be ready.

Ten more minutes passed, and Sophia finally walked out the front door, waving cheerfully at Arthur as if he hadn’t been waiting for her for forty minutes. 

“What happened?” Arthur asked shortly. “You could have buzzed me in if you knew it was going to take that long.”

“There’s no need to be short, Arthur,” Sophia simpered. “Little things just kept coming up and it took me a couple of minutes longer than I thought.”

“Forty minutes is more than a ‘couple minutes,’” Arthur argued as they started walking in the direction of the party. 

“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Sophia brushed off Arthur’s complaints. Arthur took a deep breath, trying to calm himself slightly. It wouldn’t make any sense to spend the entire night miserable because of Sophia.

“Sorry,” he said, “I’ve just had a rough day. Today at practice I got totally chewed out by my sister, and I’m being benched this weekend, and tomorrow I have din-”

“God,” Sophia interrupted. “Can you talk about anything other than hockey? It’s just a stupid fucking game.” Arthur’s hackles raised. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded. “You play sports too!”

“I don’t make it my entire goddamn personality,” Sophia looked pointedly at Arthur. Arthur was thankful that it was dark enough that she couldn’t see how bad he was blushing. “It’s not my entire personality,” Arthur tried to defend himself.

“Well then, give me one thing besides hockey that you want to talk about?”

“Um… well I was hoping that you could meet the rest of my friends on the team-”

“You’re still talking about hockey, Arthur.” Arthur tried to rack his brain for something to talk about, and even though he knew he could talk about a lot of other things that weren’t hockey related, all of a sudden he couldn’t think of even one.

After a minute of Arthur failing to come up with anything, Sophia sighed heavily. “My point exactly, Arthur.” Arthur had never felt dumber, and they walked in awkward silence the rest of the way to the frat. 

When they stood on the front porch of the house, Sophia put her hand in his. “Let’s just dance and have fun, huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Talking isn’t necessary to dance.”

Arthur nodded silently as she dragged him through the front door, and onto the dance floor once they’d each had a beer. 

Sophia took his arms, placing them around her waist, grinding up against him. Arthur tried to pretend that he was somewhere else, dancing with someone else, but he wasn’t very successful. Despite her comment about talking earlier, she kept on leaning in to talk in his ear about their ‘future’ as potential business allies.

When Sophia asked him to grab her another drink from the kitchen, Arthur jumped at the opportunity to get away for a minute. Once he’d grabbed the beer, he took his sweet time walking back to Sophia, glancing around for any excuse to stay off the dance floor for another minute.

It was then that he met eyes with the boy he’d hooked up with. He was leaning against the wall, and when Arthur nodded slightly to him, he started to walk over towards Arthur. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, Arthur decided to talk to the man. Nothing would happen. He’d make sure they just acted like acquaintances, and he’d get an extra minute away from his date.

When the green eyed boy was within hearing distance, Arthur let out an awkward, “How’s it going?”

“Mmm, not too bad… would be better if you hadn’t been dancing all over that girl all night, but if you want we can blow her off and leave,” the other boy bit his lip, looking up at Arthur with long eyelashes. 

It took just about all of Arthur’s willpower, but he shook his head. “I- what happened was a mistake, I’m not g-, well, I’m not like that,” Arthur tried to sound as resolute as possible. “And she’s my girlfriend…” he finished, gesturing over at Sophia.

The other man opened his mouth in understanding, giving Arthur an almost pitying look. “Well… I see.” The green-eyed boy turned to leave, before quickly turning around. “But if you ever… mmm… change your mind, I wouldn’t mind a repeat performance, you were a good lay.” 

Before Arthur could back away, the other boy leaned closer in, saying, “I’d be interested to see if you can top as well as you bottomed for me,” he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows, before disappearing into the crowd.

Arthur looked around, panicked that someone had overheard their conversation, but upon inspection it looked like he’d gotten lucky. He breathed a sigh of relief, but quickly tensed up again as he felt someone staring at him. He turned around to find out who it was, and froze when he realized Sophia was watching him intently. 

When Arthur made his way back over, and handed her the beer, she wasted no time in questioning him, “Who was that guy Arthur?”

“Umm… we have a class together… he just wanted to, um, to ask me a question about an assignment,” Arthur tried to improv. Key word  _ tried. _

“The two of you were rather close,” she narrowed her eyes on him. “It didn’t look like you were just talking about homework.”

Arthur tried to backpedal slightly. “Well… we started talking about school, but then he did come onto me, but I told him to fuck off... cause, you know, I’m not gay, so…” Arthur was internally cringing at how obvious he sounded. 

“I see,” Sophia was now looking at Arthur completely different, a cunning gleam in her eye that made Arthur nervous, but she didn’t press him on the issue any longer. She simply pressed back up against him again.

The next morning Arthur woke up in somebody else's bed for the second time that week. Just like the first time he was filled with dread, but for a completely different reason. 

He glanced over at Sophia who was still sleeping next to him. He couldn’t even sneak out like he had with the green eyed boy; if Sophia woke up to an empty bed she’d have more questions. You weren’t supposed to do a walk of shame after sleeping with your girlfriend.

When he walked Sophia walk to her apartment after the party, she had invited him up, and he knew that if he declined he would be practically confirming to Sophia that he was gay. So he had followed her up, and he’d had to imagine that she was someone completely different to get hard, but they’d had sex.

And now, he lay in her bed, feeling sick. He had had sex with women before and never felt this bad. He’d also never felt as good as he had earlier that week having sex with a man. Now that he knew how good it could feel, he felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under him.

He sat up, and Sophia stirred. “Hey, come lay back down,” she ran her hand up and down his lower back. 

“I need to make it to a study group I set up,” Arthur fibbed, sliding out of bed. “I’m really busy today,” he continued, trying to put on his clothes as quickly as possible, “Between class, studying, and dinner, I don’t think I’ll have time to see you until tomorrow.”

“Whatever,” Sophia responded, turning over and going back to sleep.

Arthur spent the rest of the day in a daze. He couldn’t believe that Sophia had convinced him to go to a party in the middle of the fucking week. Even if he hadn’t drunk enough to get hungover, he had still been up long into the night. 

No matter how much he wanted to just go back to his apartment and lie in bed, he dragged himself to all of his classes. He both wanted them to be over as quickly as possible so he could go home, but also wanted time to slow down; each passing minute was a minute closer to seeing Uther. 

Once his last class had ended, Arthur looked down at his watch, sighing. While he wanted to retreat to his apartment, he knew that if he did, he would get no work done. The end of the semester was hurtling towards them, and Arthur really did need to study.

With that thought, he turned towards the library. He walked up to the second floor; while he needed quiet, he found the complete silence of the third floor unnerving. Turned out he wasn’t the only one starting to panic over the end of the semester; the floor was packed.

He wandered around for several minutes, looking for an empty table, until he conceded that he’d have to share a table with someone else. Looking for any empty seat, his eyes landed on a table several feet away. The person sitting there had his back to Arthur, but Arthur thought he looked familiar.

Approaching the table he whispered, “Is it ok if I sit here with you?” 

The boy turned around, and because Arthur’s luck was trash, it was Merlin staring back at him. Of course. Merlin scowled, but nodded his affirmative. Arthur’s responding smile was somehow both appreciative and awkward as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

They sat in silence for about ten minutes before Merlin looked up at Arthur, whispering, “I’m going to get coffee downstairs,” Merlin looked conflicted, and Arthur couldn’t figure out why buying coffee would require that much mental energy. Merlin continued after a brief moment of silence, “Do you want your usual black coffee?”

Arthur looked at Merlin in shock and confusion. “Ummmm, sure… I’d like that, thanks.” At that, Merlin whipped around and scuttled towards the stairs. Arthur tried to go back to his work, but he couldn’t concentrate on the numbers on the page. He wasn’t sure how long he sat like that, but eventually Merlin returned, sliding the coffee cup across the table.

“How much should I pay you back?” Arthur started to reach for his wallet in his bag, but Merlin shook him off. “Don’t worry about it, it’s on me…”

Arthur felt like he was missing something. “Why?” he murmured.

Merlin looked around shiftily. “You’re still a massive prat, and the fact that you’re dating that bitch only confirms to me how shallow you are.” Arthur winced at Merlin’s words. “But…” Merlin pushed on, “You also stood up for me, and I appreciated that, even if you are an ass 99% of the time.”

Arthur beamed. “It was no problem,” he fiddled with the coffee cup in his hand. “She shouldn’t have said what she did…”

“Well, great,” Merlin replied awkwardly. “My debts repaid and all that…” He then pointed at Arthur, “Don’t expect this to happen again though, this is a one time offer.”

“Of course,” Arthur murmured, and they both went back to work. Arthur kept trying to steal glances at Merlin, watching him bite his lip in concentration as he tried to do what looked like chemistry problems.

Before he knew it, 5pm had rolled around and he gave Merlin a small wave as he started the walk to his father’s house, a mansion on the edge of the eastern part of campus. As he walked up the long driveway, Arthur took notice of the always meticulously cared for lawn and intimidating architecture. 

To his dismay, Arthur found that Morgana had not arrived yet, leaving him and Uther to make awkward conversation by themselves.

“So… how’s your school year going?” Uther asked, shaking Arthur’s hand. 

Arthur could feel himself heat up with anger.“Fine. And don’t bother asking like you don’t have people all around campus reporting back to you about everything I do.”

“I hear the team is doing well.”

“Yup. How’s Pendragon Manufacturing doing?” Arthur asked stiffly.

“I’m getting good reports back from the CEO,” For the first time since Arthur arrived, Uther smiled slightly.

Luckily, it was at that moment that Morgana strode into the room. “Sorry for my tardiness, I needed to discuss something with Kilgharrah and, well… you know how he is… it took a lot longer than expected.”

Uther went over and hugged her tightly, filling Arthur with jealousy. “Now that both of you are here, let’s eat, huh,” Uther began walking towards the dining room, Arthur and Morgana following him.

Once dinner was laid out, Arthur ate quietly, letting Uther and Morgana do most of the talking. Unlike with Arthur, Uther seemed genuinely interested in Morgana’s life. Arthur  _ was  _ happy that his sister had a better relationship with Uther, but that didn’t stop Arthur from feeling upset.

“Are you dating anyone Morgana?” Uther inquired.

“No,” Morgana responded smoothly. “Maybe once I settle down more at Samwell I’ll start looking for someone.”

Uther chuckled lightly, “I’m sure it’ll take a while to find a man who’s not completely intimidated by you, but I look forward to the day.” He then turned to Arthur. “And what about you, any girls catch your eye?”

Arthur jumped at the opportunity. “Actually yes,” he tried to give his best smile. “I finally asked Sophia out… we’re quite happy together.”

Arthur could have sworn he saw a glimpse of pride in his father’s eye, before it faded, and Arthur held onto the moment of warmth. “That’s it, my boy,” Uther congratulated. “You know I’ve always hoped the two of you would end up together.”

Arthur nodded silently, sticking a large bite of food into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to talk. Now that he’d told Uther, the less he talked, the less likely he would give away his lie.

Uther continued, “Your union would bring together Pendragon Manufacturing and Sidhe. That would be a glorious alliance.” 

“Yes,” Arthur looked down at his plate so as to not have to meet his father’s eyes, “I’m hoping our relationship lasts,” he choked out.

Uther spent much of the night hashing out plans with Arthur about how well Arthur and Sophia’s marriage would be for his company as if their relationship was guaranteed to succeed. Arthur had wished that Uther would pay more attention to him. That he’d be proud of Arthur, but now that it was happening, he prayed that Uther would just go back to talking to Morgana.

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

Merlin still wasn’t quite sure why he had bought Arthur coffee. All Arthur had done was show him basic human fucking decency  _ once _ , and he was buying him things? Whatever, maybe it would encourage the git to be nicer to him in the future.

Plus, he needed to stop thinking about Arthur. It was a supreme waste of time, he thought as he sat in the campus courtyard with Mordred, waiting for his friends to arrive. 

In an attempt to make conversation, Merlin turned to Mordred, “So… do you have any idea what this musical is about?”

Mordred snorted, “Of course I do! Spamalot’s a parody of the Arthurian legend. It won a bunch of Tonys when it came out in 2005,” Mordred gestured wildly.

Merlin squinted his eyes at Mordred, “Wait… are you a theater kid?” he asked, surprised. Mordred looked like he’d been caught committing a crime. “What, fuck no! You’re just not cultured enough to know anything about theater… anybody could know about it,” Mordred crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

Merlin was about to snap back, but he saw Gwen and the others approaching them, so he merely muttered, “asshole,” under his breath.

Merlin was slightly surprised to see that everyone from the starting line, except Arthur, was tagging along. Merlin supposed he should stop being surprised by the team at Samwell enjoying things like musical theater.

When they had found their seats in the theater, Merlin was on the end of the row, next to Leon. He and Leon hadn’t ever really gotten the chance to talk, and so Merlin decided he’d take the opportunity to get to know the large man better.

“So, Leon… how’re you doing?” Merlin asked cheerily. Leon hummed, “Not too bad… the season’s really getting into full swing, and combined with finals coming up it’s pretty stressful, but I’m dealing the best I can.” He smiled at Merlin, “And what about you?”

“Not too bad,” Merlin shrugged, wracking his brain for another question to ask. “You’re a senior right? Are you trying to get signed to a team?”

Leon shook his head. “I’m good enough to play for Samwell, but not for the NHL…” Leon then glanced over at Merlin with a passionate look in his eyes. “Plus, what I really want to do is be a sports reporter… I’m a journalism major.” Leon was on a roll, obviously really excited about what he was talking about, “Obviously, the goal is ESPN, but I’m hoping to get hired at a local station to start, although I did also apply to a couple of stations in Boston as well… but I probably won’t get those.”

“That’s really cool,” Merlin said genuinely, looking down at the program in his hands. Going to the cast list, he searched for Percy’s name, noting that he was playing Sir Robin as well as several other minor characters.

Looking at the names of the characters, Merlin leaned over to Leon, “Don’t you think it’s weird that we all have the names from Arthurian legend?” Merlin asked, wondering how he hadn’t thought of that until now.

Leon shrugged, “I’ve noticed that, but it’s probably best not to think about it,” he answered as the lights of the theater dimmed.

Merlin found himself enjoying the show. It was crude, but funny, and he was laughing along with the crowd almost the entire time. Apparently the musical was based off of a movie, but Merlin had never seen the movie so the story was completely new to him.

Any time Percy appeared on stage, their row would cheer loudly (and probably obnoxiously). Before he knew it the show was over, and Gwaine cleared his throat, “Percy says we’re invited to go to dinner with the cast if we want,” he announced. Everyone agreed that it’d be a fun time, and so they waited in the lobby until Percy and his theater friends were ready to leave. 

As the large group of about fifty people began their walk to a nearby 24/7 diner, Merlin was introduced to several of the other theater kids with Percy, and Merlin was excited to note that several of them were trans. He hadn’t had the chance to go to many queer events that semester, and so hadn’t made many trans friends. He felt bad about clocking them, but he was also hopeful that he could get to know them enough that they might hang out sometime. 

It was clear when they entered the restaurant that nobody had called ahead to let them know that a large group of people were coming. Percy talked to the host, apologizing for not warning them, asking if there was room. The host looked exasperated, but led the large group into the back where there were lots of long booths that they could spread out across.

Because of how long the booths were, they were able to fit twelve people into their table, four of Percy's theater friends joining them. Everyone was having a good time. In fact, Merlin thought they might have been having too much fun; it was pure chaos. Some people were singing, others were yelling to their friends at different booths, and all the wait staff looked panicked.

Merlin noted there was one table a bit farther away that was a lot quieter. Nudging Percy, he asked who they were, and Percy answered that they were the members of the crew and pit who had tagged along. 

“I think they like hanging out with each other, but us theater kids are a little too much for them, so they always sit further away,” Percy chuckled. As much as Merlin had grown to like the hockey team, he couldn’t deny that he’d rather be over there, where it was more controlled.

Nevertheless, Merlin found himself laughing along to all of the antics at his table, mostly observing, and not joining in that much. They had just received their food, when Merlin heard a woman’s voice declare, “Well, well, well… what do we have here?”

Standing in front of their booth was none other than Sophia and three other girls that Merlin didn’t recognize, but by their matching team shirts, they were obviously Sophia’s teammates.

Sophia gestured towards their table, “these are some of Arthur’s teammates and staff,” she said to her friends as she looked around at the chaos surrounding them. She then directed her attention directly at the hockey players, “and what in god's name are you doing with these people,” she motioned towards some of the theater kids. 

Percy bristled. “I’m part of the theater program actually, so we’re having a bit of a cast party to celebrate opening night.”

“Ahh,” Sophia nodded her head, “I should have known seeing all these… outgoing and showy people.” Sophia was now staring down one of the girls at their table, Lilly, who had bright pink hair. 

“It’s a good thing we used the restroom before this group got here, huh, girls,” Sophia drawled, “We might have run into a man in the bathroom.” Everyone at the table glared at her while Sophia’s friends giggled. 

Percy stood up as much as he could in the booth. “I think it would be best if you left,” he growled at Sophia, who only smirked. 

“I wouldn’t want to hang out here anyway,” she stated as she turned smoothly and walked out of the restaurant. 

Percy sat back down, “Well,” he looked at Gwen and Gwaine, “You said she was nasty, but wow.”

Gwaine huffed, putting his arm around Percy, “No kidding…” The table was silent for a minute before Lilly spoke up, “Well, let’s not let that bitch ruin our night,” she declared, “I’m still going to celebrate a good first show.” 

“Here, here!” Lancelot called, and while it took a couple minutes for the group to fall back into a natural pattern of banter, they celebrated long into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudo and comment if ur enjoying this and u haven't already:)) It gives me the energy to write


	6. Year One: December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... sorry for the long wait my life highkey fell apart, for those who are subbed to this fic thx for your patience these past 6 months; nursing school takes up like all of my time (esp in the pandemic) so I can't promise any sort of regular update schedule but I don't plan on disappearing for this long again and I hope you stick w me :)  
> For anyone who may like in downtown DC, I hope you and your family is safe right now!  
> Hope this chapter is worth the wait  
> TW: There are two panic attacks in this chapter, and at one point Arthur mentions "punishing" himself by not eating, let me know if you feel like i missed something

Two days later, Merlin was in the crew break room preparing for the game, when Gwen walked in, dragging Arthur into the room behind her. “What’s he doing here?” Merlin pointed at Arthur.

“Morgana benched him for his theatrics the other day after practice,” Gwen answered, causing Arthur’s cheeks to flush in embarrassment. “So I thought he could come watch the game with us. Maybe he’ll even manage to make himself useful,” Gwen hip checked Arthur jokingly.

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Unlikely, but sure, whatever,” he responded. Arthur walked over and sunk into the coach, sulking as he watched the rest of the team warm up on the TV monitor. Merlin looked over at him, grinning, “Hey, dollophead.” When Arthur immediately responded to the name Merlin smiled triumphantly. “You could help us clear the ice tonight if you do want to be helpful… we have an extra shovel.”

Arthur looked aghast. “I will do no such thing,” he cried. “I’d never live it down.”

Gwen and Merlin shared a look of amusement, “We’ll see about that,” Merlin smirked menacingly. Arthur dropped his head in his hands, “I knew this was a bad idea,” he muttered resentfully. 

For the entire first period Arthur sat right in front of the monitor, yelling at his teammates as if they could hear him through the computer screen. The only times he moved were to pace around the room. In short, Arthur was a complete and utter nuisance.

When the opposing team scored, Arthur sat slumped in the chair in silent defeat for almost fifteen minutes. George went over to check on Arthur, and Merlin could hear Arthur whisper, “I should be out there, if we lose it’ll be my fault.”

As annoying as Arthur was when he was yelling and pacing, Merlin almost wished he’d go back to doing that, rather than sulking in silence. Merlin might not like the git, but he also didn’t enjoy watching anyone so obviously beating themselves up. Plus, watching the blond boy make an utter fool of himself as he flapped his arms about was fun entertainment for Merlin.

When the first break of the second period was almost upon them, Merlin thrust a shovel into Arthur’s hands. “Get your skates on, you're helping us this period to clean the ice.” 

When Arthur went to protest, Merlin put up his hand to silence him. “If you continue to just sit here and mope for one second longer, I swear to god I’ll, I’ll,” Merlin searched for an appropriately intimidating threat, “I’ll accidentally run you over with the zamboni next practice. So make yourself useful instead.” Merlin puffed out his chest to try and look as big as possible.

Arthur raised his eyebrow. “You do realize that if you really do try to run me over, you’ve admitted out loud that it wasn’t accidental,” Arthur said, trying not to laugh. But to Merlin’s great satisfaction, Arthur reached for his hockey bag and pulled out his skates. 

When his teammates saw Arthur step onto the ice with the ice crew, they immediately started calling out to him. He heard Elyan joke, “Look boys, we thought he’d been benched, but turns out he just got a new job!” Samwell’s bench exploded into laughter.

Merlin overheard Gwaine calling Arthur back to a spot he had already been over, “You missed a spot princess,” Gwaine said, trying to look innocent. Merlin observed that there wasn’t actually any ice that was missed. When Arthur realized that, he jostled Gwaine good heartedly.

Even though Arthur looked exasperated, it was clear that by the time the ice crew left the ice that Arthur was in a much better mood. When Merlin looked at Arthur smugly, the taller boy shot back, “Oh don’t get so cocky, you had one good idea… statistically it was bound to happen eventually.” But Merlin could tell that Arthur was holding back a smile. 

Unfortunately, Arthur’s good mood lasted approximately five minutes, and he was back to moping in front of the monitor. So Merlin was surprised when Arthur volunteered to help him fix a pipe that was leaking down by the storage room. 

When Merlin looked at Arthur questioningly, Arthur crossed his arms defensively, “What? I’m just trying to be helpful,” Arthur grumbled. Merlin rolled his eyes and turned to Mordred, “Come on Mordred, let’s go.”

Mordred put a bookmark into what he was reading and got up grudgingly, but didn’t complain as he walked out of the break room. Arthur stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, not sure whether he was allowed to tag along, but there was no way he was going to ask Merlin _again_. 

Merlin was about to walk out of the door after Mordred when he turned around, “Well, prat… are you coming or not?” Merlin gave Arthur the slightest grin. Arthur huffed in surprised amusement and followed Merlin out of the door.

When Merlin reached the leaky pipe he set the toolbox on the ground, “Mordred, could you get the ladder from the storage room?” Merlin asked looking up at the pipe. “It’s too high up for either of us to reach it otherwise.”

Mordred looked exasperated, “Don’t you remember? The ladder’s broken… I assumed that’s why we brought His Royal Highness along,” he drawled, gesturing towards Arthur. “He’s tall enough to reach it.”

Merlin turned, looking sheepishly at Arthur, “Do you know how to fix a leaky pipe?” Merlin asked, hold out a wrench to Arthur.

“I’m sure it’s not exactly rocket science if you can do it,” Arthur stated arrogantly. Merlin merely raised his eyebrows. “Maybe don’t insult the person with the hard, metal object,” Merlin said as he waved the wrench around, miming hitting Arthur over the head.

Arthur let out a small chuckle, “Whatever, give it to me, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur tried to snatch the wrench out of Merlin’s hand, but Merlin danced away. “You’re going to have to try harder than that if you want this.”

Mordred sighed heavily, “What did I do to deserve this shit…” Mordred sat down against the wall, picking at his fingernails as he watched the other two boys wrestle. After watching them for a couple minutes Mordred finally snarked, “So… are you two going to continue flirting, or are we going to try and fix this pipe.” Arthur immediately jumped away from Merlin, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. Mordred continued, “We don’t have that much time before the end of the period, so unless you want to literally _kill_ George we need to finish this as quickly as possible.”

“You’re no fun,” Merlin joked, but finally handed Arthur the wrench. “Let’s see what you can do.” 

Arthur took the tool, his arrogant and confident attitude swiftly shifting to one of concern and uncertainty as he positioned himself under the pipe. “So… I definitely know how to do this, but… how do I do this?” Arthur turned to Merlin sheepishly.

“Just tighten the pipe with the wrench, it should fix the problem,” Merlin explained. Arthur followed his instructions, but when they turned the water supply back on the water didn’t stop dripping from the pipe. Merlin cursed quietly. 

“What’s happening?” Arthur asked, “I tightened the nut as much as I could, why isn’t it working?”

“The leak must be more extensive than I thought,” Merlin grumbled, reaching down to grab the toolbox, “We’re going to have to turn off the water supply back off and take a closer look at the source of the leak… see how big it is, stuff like that.” Merlin huffed in frustration, “But we will have to wait until we have a ladder, I don’t think I could properly walk you through it,” Merlin trailed off, looking speculatively at Arthur, “Unless…”

Arthur looked back at Merlin, alarmed, “Unless…?”

Merlin fidgeted slightly, “Unless I sat on your shoulders… that would get me up there. You’d have to squat a bit, but that shouldn’t be a problem looking at your-” Merlin cut himself off, blushing.

“Looking at my what?” Arthur smirked. Merlin tried to brush it off, but Arthur grabbed Merlin’s wrist, laughing, “Come on… looking at my what?”

“Looking at… looking at your upper...leg region,” Merlin tried to pull off a look of indignation, but was clearly just flustered. 

If possible Arthur’s smirk got wider, “My upper leg region, hmm.” Before Merlin could answer, Mordred started bashing his head into the wall, “Would you two _stop_.” He groaned. 

Merlin walked closer to Arthur as the blond boy bent down and positioned himself on top of Arthur. “Alright up you go,” Merlin said as he patted Arthur’s head. 

“There’s no reason to smack me!” Arthur complained. 

“Oh shut it you big baby,” Merlin shot back. As soon as Arthur stood up, Merlin’s hand immediately reached out, desperately grabbing onto Arthur’s shoulder as he attempted to find his balance. He knew logically that even if he were to fall the worst he’d get were a couple of bruises, but the prospect of taking a tumble made his stomach churn with fear. 

After a minute, when Merlin was certain that he wouldn’t fall, he cautiously released his death grip around Arthur’s shoulder and reached up to begin his work. 

\-----------( POV:Arthur)-----------

Once the initial struggle to find his center of balance as he stood up passed, holding Merlin up was easier than Arthur anticipated as the smaller boy was much lighter than Arthur expected and Merlin wasn’t leaning much to either side as he fiddled with the pipes. After the three of them stood in awkward silence for a couple of minutes, Arthur cleared his throat. 

“So… Merlin,” Arthur said, desperately searching for something to say to break the silence. 

“What’s up,” Merlin muttered, obviously more focused on fixing the leak than whatever Arthur wanted to ask. 

Arthur blurted out the first thing that popped into his head, “how’d you know you were… you know…?”

Merlin tensed and in a carefully neutral tone of voice that let Arthur know that he needed to pick his next words carefully, asked, “how’d I know I was what, Arthur?”

“Well… I was just wondering how you knew you were gay, like, just like how’d you know you were into men…?” Arthur cringed as he stumbled through the question. _What the fuck was he even doing?_

“Well I mean for me it was realizing I was into girls as well as boys, cause before I realized I was trans the default assumption was that I liked men, you know,” Merlin answered casually as he relaxed and went back to work. “But like, I don’t know, looking back on it it was super obvious, but like one day I realized that my feelings for my friend Freya were, uh, more than friendly, and uh the rest is history I guess.”

Merlin paused for a second. “Why’d you ask, Arthur?”

“Oh uh…” Arthur cleared his throat in an attempt to buy himself more time to think of an excuse, “I have a… friend! Yes, friend who recently told me that he thinks he might be gay, and uh… well I was hoping that maybe you had some tips for how to like figure it out with like 100% certainty so… um yeah,” Arthur trailed off awkwardly.

“Oh! Well that’s sweet of you Arthur but it’s something they just sort of have to figure out for themselves you know… like I’m not in your friend’s brain.” 

Merlin seemed to be internally debating something before he finally continued, “But if your friend wants to talk to a queer person about it you can give them my number… you may be a jackass 99% of the time but I’m more than willing to try and help your friend.” 

Arthur blushed before stuttering out, “W-well, I’m not sure that they’d want to do that but um I’ll ask them and get back to you I guess.”

“Ok just let me know,” Merlin chuckled, “You never seem to have trouble finding me when you need me to do something for you, so I trust you’ll be able to if your friend changes his mind.

“Well if you don’t mind he gave me a couple questions he wanted to ask you, so I could ask you for him now,” Arthur glanced up from his shoes to find Mordred looking at him and Merlin in what seemed like bemused disbelief and Arthur could have sworn he heard Mordred mutter _fucking idiots both of them, Jesus_ under his breath. Arthur’s face turned even more red and he went back to intensely studying the floor.

“I feel like this would be easier if I just met up with your friend,” Merlin replied, breathing slightly heavier as he used the wrench to tighten something, “I swear I won’t out him to anybody if he doesn’t want to come out, but this seems way more complicated than it needs to be…”

Arthur decided to plow on as if he didn’t hear Merlin, “So he was wondering if there were any like clubs or bars off campus that are more discreet about the whole… gay thing?”

Merlin sighed, “Um since I’m out I don’t bother going very off campus for gay clubs or anything, but like, if your friend has google I’m sure he can find something far enough away that people from Samwell won’t be there…”

“Oh, great point, I’ll let him know.”

Before Arthur could ask another question, Merlin interrupted him, “Alright I’m done up here, you can let me down and we can continue this discussion on our way back to the breakroom.”

Arthur slowly bent down and Merlin jumped off his back and brushed the dust on his hands off onto his pant legs, “Alright hopefully that will keep the pipe from leaking until we can get a professional in here to look at it.” Merlin then glanced over at Mordred, “Thanks for all the help by the way”

Mordred simply shrugged, “the two of you seemed to have everything under control and the whole song and dance y’all were doing was too entertaining to leave.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Merlin asked defensively. 

“If you haven’t figured it out yet,” Mordred drawled condescendingly, “I think you may be too dense to understand even if I were to explain it to you in two syllable words.”

Merlin clenched his fist, holding back insults. “I’m going on a quick walk so I don’t brain you, don’t fucking follow me,” he gritted out, pointing at both Mordred and Arthur. 

_Well there goes asking more questions,_ Arthur thought bitterly to himself. 

The rest of the game passed quickly, and while Samwell put up a fight, they were clearly outmatched. Arthur at first felt better at the loss, it proved that the team wasn’t nearly as good without him, but then immediately felt incredibly guilty at his selfishness; he was the captain of the team, he couldn’t think that way. 

Arthur was just heading to the locker room after helping George put away all the equipment, when he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Sophia waiting for him. It seemed like she was berating some of the building staff for some reason or another, although he was still a little too far away to hear exactly what she was saying. His feeling of dread compounded when Gwen strode past him, beelining it direct towards his girlfriend with a dangerous gleam in her eyes. 

“Listen up,” Gwen shoved her finger in Sophia’s face, “I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say to you since we last spoke and you’re going to listen.”

Arthur was broken out of shock, and rushed towards the two women, trying to get between them, but Gwen would not be cowed. When he realized it was a fool’s errand to try and stop Gwen, he ushered away the staff.

“If you ever even THINK about treating me, or Merlin, or anybody else like you did at brunch I will NOT hesitate to bring my full wrath down upon you.”

Sophia scoffed, trying to look uneffected, but it was clear she was shaken. Gwen wasn’t done, “I know I may not look very frightening, but I know my anatomy and I have access to lots of sharp objects in clinicals that I could slip into my uniform pockets and take out of the hospital.”

“Now now Gwen,” Arthur tried to placate, “there’s no need to threaten anybody, we can figure this out.”

Gwen whipped around to face Arthur, and he saw for the first time that her eyes, which normally were a caring and warm dark brown, now looked like dangerous, swirling, storm clouds. 

“I’ll get to you in a minute, I have a couple things to say to you as well, but I’m not done with her.”

Arthur simply gulped as Gwen spun back to Sophia. 

“Where was I…” Gwen thought for a split second, before resuming her tirade, “I have the equipment and knowledge to take you down if you try and hurt me or the people I care about.”

Gwen smirked at this, “And even without all of that, let me tell you the nursing school is very insular and protective of its own, if I tell people that you fucked with me the school of nursing will ruin your life in ways you can't even imagine.” 

Sophia just sort of sputtered, her eyes flicking back and forth between Gwen and Arthur. Finally, she was able to get out, “Well, Arthur aren’t you going to defend me?”

Arthur avoided making eye contact with Sophia as he responded, “Maybe it’s best if you go home Soph, everyone’s just a little hot headed right now…”

No one made any noise for a minute, and when Arthur was finally able to look directly at Sophia, he saw that she was glaring at him in a mixture of anger and astonishment. When Arthur didn’t say anything else, Sophia huffed and stormed out of the arena.

Gwen and Arthur watched her go, and it wasn’t until Sophia was out of sight that Gwen slowly turned to face Arthur. While she was still obviously angry, her eyes softened slightly.

“Look, Arthur, you know that I love and care about you, please don’t doubt that.” Gwen put her hand on his shoulder in a gesture Arthur assumed was meant to be reassuring. “But your girlfriend is a complete bitch and we’re all worried about what being in a relationship with her will do to you…” Gwen paused briefly before pressing on, “And to be completely honest, how it’ll affect your relationships with your friends…”

Arthur felt his stomach drop. “What are you saying, Gwen?”

“We’re here for you, and we’re still your friends, but it’s not fair to us to ask us to hang out around her, and if she’s going to be around you a lot now, I don’t know how much we’re going to hang out,” the anger seemed to have drained out of Gwen and now she just looked kind of guilty.

“Oh,” Arthur responded softly. “And all of you have been discussing this without me? You’ve all decided this then?” Arthur wanted to scream, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to direct it at Gwen or his friends or himself.

“Arthur, it’s not like that,” Gwen seemed desperate. “We’re not abandoning you, but we also have to take care of ourselves… you’ll still see us, I just can’t promise how much…”

Arthur had already started to back away towards the door. “Oh ok, no problem,” he said, voice strained and when it cracked on the word “problem,” he turned around and half jogged out of the arena before he could make a bigger fool of himself.

“Wait, Arthur, come back!” Gwen shouted running after him, but Arthur was already gone.

By the time Arthur made it back to his apartment his breathing was ragged. He slammed the door to his apartment closed and slid to the floor, putting his head between his knees as he gasped for air. He knew it was bound to happen sometime, his friends had finally realized how fucked up he was and they were going to leave him. 

He dragged his hands down his face and was surprised to find that he was crying. A tiny part of his brain tried to tell him that he was overreacting, that he wasn’t thinking logically, but it was drowned out by his sheer panic.

He climbed to his feet, stumbling to his bathroom and throwing open the medicine cabinet, grabbing the pill bottle for his anxiety meds. He struggled to open it as his hands shook violently, but finally he was able to pop the cap off. He dumped two pills in his hand and then swallowed them dry.

Using the counter to support the majority of his weight, Arthur looked up at himself in the mirror and winced; he looked just as awful as he felt.

After a couple of minutes, Arthur felt his heart rate start to slow down slightly and he was finally able to take a deep, full breath for the first time in what felt like hours, even though he knew he’d only left the arena a maximum of 45 minutes ago.

He knew he should get something to eat, it had been almost 12 hours since he last ate, but the idea of making himself something was too much. The rest of today was a wash. Soon the meds would start to make him sleepy, he might as well just lay down until sleep overtook him. He could try again tomorrow.

The next day was not any better. He should have expected it; the meds always left him with a sort of hangover that would last for a day or two. He was able to drag himself to classes and practice but that was it. 

Once the haze of the drugs lifted, he felt a mixture of guilt and panic. He knew he hadn’t been giving his best effort in practice the past couple of days. The next game was three days away and he had a lot to prove. He had to prove that he was good enough, that he wouldn’t let his team down, that he was too important to be benched again. 

Next week was also finals week and Arthur groaned as he thought about how much work he’d let pile up that he needed to catch up on. 

He checked his phone. Gwaine had texted him 20 minutes ago asking if he wanted to grab lunch. His teammates and friends had continued to invite him to things since Gwen’s ultimatum, but he knew it was out of pity, not out of any real want to hang out with him. He could ignore the text, but that would most likely lead to his friends banging on his door. Sighing, Arthur picked up his phone. 

To Gwaine: 'sorry rain check need to do work for a class'

After a couple minutes, Gwaine responded

From Gwaine: 'ok take care of urself!!'

Arthur looked over at his desk where his schoolwork sat, piling up, before grabbing his gym bag and heading out the door. He jogged the two miles to the athletic center as a warm up and once he reached his destination he wasted no time in heading to the treadmill. 

Arthur ran until his lungs burned and he could feel his muscles quivering uncontrollably. Finally he stepped off the treadmill and checked his watch. He had about an hour until he needed to start heading to the arena for practice. He knew that he should call it quits now and grab some food before practice, but he ignored that thought and started walking towards the weight machines. If he wanted to eat, he shouldn’t have slacked off so much the past two days. 

By gameday, Arthur was feeling more tired than he had in awhile. In fact, Arthur thought, the last time he’d felt this rundown had been last year right before his breakdown. That thought made him pause. Was he falling back into bad habits? 

Before he could think about it further, he felt someone come up behind him and wrap their arms around his waist. He turned his head to look at Sophia and forced a small smile. Things with her were very weird and it left him feeling nauseous with uncertainty. He had expected another big argument about his friends after her confrontation with Gwen, but Sophia never even mentioned it and acted like everything was completely fine with their relationship. 

“If you put on a good show tonight for me at the game, I’ll have to make sure to reward you,” she purred in his ear as she gave his ass a quick squeeze. Tonight would be the first game that Sophia came to that Arthur was playing in and he was just hoping that she wouldn’t cause anymore trouble with his friends.

“Well then, I’ll make sure to give it my all,” Arthur tried to seem excited, but he wasn’t sure how successful he was; his heart just wasn’t in it. 

As he walked to the arena for pregame warmups he thought more about last year. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t as bad now as he was then. He’d only been pushing himself a little bit harder and it had been less than a week, it was nothing to worry about. Maybe he should ask one of his friends for their opinion? Arthur bit his lip hard enough that he tasted a little bit of blood. While he didn’t think that his friends would blow him off about his health because of Sophia, he wasn’t 100% sure and thought of opening up to them and them not caring immediately caused him to start panicking. No… even though he knew it was unlikely, he couldn’t risk that happening. He knew that if that occurred he’d surely spiral and he wasn’t sure if he could catch himself. He was probably just being overdramatic anyways; he was completely fine.

Even with how tired he was, by the time he skated up to center ice for the start of the game, he felt zeroed in, ready to win. 

And win they did. Arthur may not have netted a goal himself, but he got all three assists and was extremely aggressive on the forecheck, forcing turnovers and blunders by the opposing players; it was like he was an unstoppable force. If nothing else this proved that he was fine. He was playing as good as ever, which meant that his decision to push himself this week was the correct one. It wasn’t unhealthy, it was dedication. 

His good mood lasted until he saw Sophia waiting for him outside the locker room, looking at him with what could only be described as ‘bedroom eyes.’ Several of his teammates wolf whistled and the moment he was through the locker room door he felt someone clap him on the back and roughly muss up his hair. 

“Somebody’s gonna get a victory blowjob tonight boys,” a sophomore defenseman named Hector called out to the rest of the room. “Arthur’s girl was looking at him like she couldn’t wait to rip his clothes off.”

A first year named Tristan joined in on the chirping, “Arthur should bring her to every game seems like she’s a lucky charm!”

“That or the incentive of a good lay encouraged him to perform even better than usual,” someone else joked, but Arthur wasn’t able to place the voice as he had turned his back to the room, trying to get out of his gear as quickly as possible, shoulders hunched in on himself. 

He heard Lance jump in, “ah shut up, y’all just wish you could get some!”

“You’re one to talk,” Percy responded, “Unless you’ve bucked up and asked Gwen out I don’t see you getting any either!”

The entire room jeered at Lance, teasing him about his crush and Arthur felt a weight lift off his shoulders slightly. While he was still dreading meeting up with Sophia, at least he wasn’t the center of attention anymore. He glanced over and Lance gave him a small smile as if to say _I’ve got your back._

Once he was back in his street clothes, he bid the remaining players in the locker room goodnight and slipped out the door. 

Walking back to his apartment with Sophia, he worried about the fact that he was sober; he wasn’t sure if he would be able to get it up with her if he was sober. _Shit,_ he thought, _what kind of fucked up boyfriend was he that he couldn’t fuck his girlfriend without being drunk._

 _‘A gay one,’_ a voice in the back of his head responded, but he pushed that thought away as fast as he could. 

As he shut the door behind both of them, Sophia spoke up, “you’re awfully quiet tonight. I thought you’d be excited with how well you played.”

“I am,” Arthur tried to reassure her, “just a lot on my mind…”

“Well, let’s see if we can do something to fix that.” Sophia strode up to him and kissed him hard, licking at the seam of his lips, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. 

They stood there, awkwardly embracing for several minutes. If he closed his eyes, maybe he could pretend she was someone else. That thought was dashed when she broke the kiss, leaning in to whisper, “let’s move this to the bed,” as her hand palmed the front of his jeans. 

Arthur felt like he was being led to his execution as she pulled him towards the bedroom and pushed him down, straddling him. 

He ground down on his crotch, and the stimulation caused Arthur to start to get hard. However, she kept whispering dirty things in his ear, and her voice wouldn’t allow him to forget who exactly he was in bed with. 

After 10 minutes of mostly one sided groping, Sophia slid down his body and started to unbutton his pants. “Maybe you need a little bit more help to get you there,” she simpered, wetting her lips. 

“Stop,” Arthur said, starting to sit up. When Sophia didn’t listen to him he repeated loudly, “Stop Sophia, please stop right now,” and gently pushed her off of him as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed with his back to her. Neither of them said anything, the silence oppressive. 

After what felt like years, Sophia broke the silence, “So you really are gay, huh?” she said, her voice ice cold with none of the seductive sweetness that she’d had only minutes ago. 

“I- I don’t know what you're talking about,” Arthur replied desperately. “I’m just not in the mood right now, I’m not gay I’m just tired is all you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Drop the act Arthur, I’m not stupid!” Sophia yelled. Arthur didn’t know what to say. 

“So…” Arthur floundered. “Does this mean we’re breaking up?” He mentally smacked himself, what sort of question was that?

Arthur was surprised when she answered, “No, this… agreement can still benefit both of us.”

“How?” Arthur asked. 

“Well,” Sophia turned to move so that she was staring down at him, “you get to pretend you’re straight and attempt to get your father to care about you.” Arthur flinched. “And I… well I have a lot of bargaining power now don’t I?”

Arthur just looked up at her confused. 

“Jesus, Arthur, how dense are you?” Sophia scoffed dismissively. “You _need_ me to keep us this little ruse. I could tell everybody about you, and so you are going to do exactly as I say.”

“What do you want,” Arthur’s throat clicked and he noticed how badly he was starting to sweat. 

“Well, the first thing is that you’re _not_ going to go off and fuck anyone else. I don’t trust you to be discreet enough to not get caught.”

“Um… ok… that makes sense…” Arthur knew there had to be something worse coming. After keeping him in suspense for a moment Sophia continued, “and you’re going to give me information about your fathers company… specifically schematics for the new designs Pendragon Manufacturing’s R&D department is cooking up.”

“Wh-why would you want that… I don’t even know very much about that stuff,” Arthur said, head reeling. While Uther had made it clear that he expected Arthur to follow in his footsteps, Uther had also told him that until he “proved himself” Arthur wouldn’t be given much insight into the company. Arthur was still trying to figure out what he needed to do to earn his father’s trust and respect, and he certainly wasn’t privy to R&D information. 

Sophia rolled her eyes, “Do I really have to explain _everything_ to you?” She drawled. “Your fathers company has been outperforming Sidhe for the past 5 years and I mean to fix that.” Arthur’s stomach dropped even lower than it already had as she continued to speak. “You’re going to get me the plans for your fathers upcoming weapons developments and I’m going to give them to Sidhe’s engineers so that we can release the products before Pendragon can, driving your father’s company into the ground.” 

“I don’t even know how I’d get that information!” Arthur cried. “My father would suspect something immediately if I all of a sudden start showing that much interest.”

“I don’t know what to tell you Arthur… I’m willing to wait for a little while, but if you can’t figure out how to get me that info I may have to go to the press about your little secret.”

Arthur just sat there in shocked silence. Sophia smirked, “but don’t worry dear, when we eventually get married you can work for Sidhe… I wouldn’t want for you to be worried about being out of a job.” At that she began to walk out of the bedroom and with one last glance over her shoulder she called out, “don’t worry sweetheart I’ll see myself out.”

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

Merlin walked across campus towards his dorm. He had initially planned on spending the night studying with Gwen and Lance in the library, but after an hour of trying to ignore them flirting with each other over their pharmacology textbooks he had excused himself. As cute and oblivious as they were together, between their constant flirting and how loud they were as they quizzed each other and complained about the class and the professor, Merlin couldn’t focus and he really needed to buckle down and study for his last final tomorrow. In less than 24 hours he’d be done with his first semester of college and be on his way back home. While he was excited to see his mom and his 2 best friends, he was sad that he would have to leave the welcoming environment of Samwell and his friends here in order to return to the oppressive environment of small town Georgia.

He opened the door to his room to find Mordred lounging on his bed strumming his guitar. Merlin grit his teeth. Not having to share a room with this prick for a month was definitely high up on his list of reasons to be excited to go home.

“Can you not do that right now?” Merlin asked. 

“Why? I already finished finals today and I’ve packed up the rest of my shit for when I leave tomorrow morning, so I don’t really have anything else to do…” Mordred said, not even pausing or looking up at Merlin as he spoke. 

“Because I have a final tomorrow asshole,” Merlin growled. 

“Not my problem.”

Merlin wasn’t sure if it was the stress, or his exhaustion, or if it was just the final straw on top of a semester of Mordred’s dismissive attitude, but he snapped. “You’re such a pretentious piece of shit, you know that!” Merlin yelled. 

At his suddenly aggressive tone, Mordred finally stopped playing, but that seemed to set Merlin off even more. 

“Oh, so now you want to stop? Do I have to scream at you until it gets through your fucking skull that you’re an ungrateful fuckface, is that it?” Merlin’s face was red and he was beginning to breathe heavily. “You can pretend and act like you’re so much smarter than everyone else all you like, but I see right fucking through you. You’re just a scared, pathetic asshole and nobody likes you. It’s a good thing that you sulk in this room all day because nobody wants to hang out with you anyway!” Merlin’s chest was heaving as he glared at Mordred. 

Without saying anything, Mordred gently placed his guitar down and jumped off the bed, grabbing a jacket and putting on his shoes. 

“Oh what? Nothing to say now?” Merlin spat, looking for a fight. Mordred simply slammed the door behind him as he left the room. 

Merlin sat down at his desk, still fuming as he pulled out his notes. It didn’t take him long to feel guilty as he calmed down. He tried to push it from his mind; Mordred would go on a walk and be back before he knew it. He could apologize then and should just enjoy the quiet while he could. 

After going through his condensed notes, Merlin glanced at the time and was surprised to see that 3 hours had passed since mordred left. It was 2 AM. Starting to get worried he unlocked his phone. 

To Mordred: hey I’m sorry that was uncalled for plz come back it’s getting late

When 15 minutes passed, Merlin bit his lip. Mordred normally responded to texts immediately. 

To Mordred: at least tell me ur safe I’m worried

He’d never live it down, but he needed to know that Mordred was okay. After another 5 minutes Merlin decided to call, but it went to voicemail after ringing a couple of times. _Fuck_

It was 3:30 before Merlin heard someone trying, and failing, to type in the code to the room. Bounding across the room, Merlin threw open the door to find Mordred on the other side. The smaller boy was obviously very drunk as he stumbled across the threshold and bumped into Merlin. 

“Sorry,” Mordred slurred as he lost his balance and fell down to the floor. 

“No, don't worry about it,” Merlin tried to reassure, but he didn’t think Mordred was really paying attention to him. Merlin went over to fill up a cup of water and grab an Aspirin. When he got back to Mordred, the other boy was crying. When Merlin held out the water and drugs, Mordred completely lost it, sobbing uncontrollably. 

Merlin thought Mordred whimpered, “I’m such a fucking mess, Jesus I hate myself,” but he couldn’t be 100% sure; between the slurring and the crying it was hard to understand the boy. 

“You’re right about me,” Mordred cried. “All I’ve ever been good at is school and I fucking hate myself and I’m so fucking lonely fuck I just want people to think I’m smart and like me but I’m such a fuckup oh my god.” He finally took the glass of water and tried to drink some, but ended up spilling most of it as he cried into the cup. 

“Please calm down,” Merlin begged desperately, not knowing how to console him, but Mordred just continued to mumble about how miserable he was, dropping the glass and curling into himself with his head jammed into his knees, rocking back and forth. 

Merlin sat there, rubbing his back until Mordred had cried himself to sleep and then struggled to carry Mordred to his bed. 

Merlin didn’t get much sleep that night. 

Merlin’s alarm woke him up and the first feeling he had was surprise. Merlin didn’t remember ever falling asleep. When he sat up in bed, he saw Mordred quietly packing up his last couple of things. 

“Hey Mordred…” Merlin called out cautiously. To his shock Mordred seemed chipper. Mordred was NEVER this happy. 

“Hey Merlin I don’t know if you helped me into bed last night or what but man I don’t remember a thing,” Mordred smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Oh… you don’t remember coming in…?”

“Nope!” Mordred turned away, but something about his behavior made Merlin suspect he was lying. 

“Well, I’m off,” Mordred quickly gathered his things. 

“Wait! I need to apologize for what I said to you last night. I was tired and… there’s really no excuse but I’m sorry… I am,” Merlin tried to catch Mordred's eyes, but the smaller boy wouldn’t look directly at him. 

“Don’t worry about it… I know I can be a massive bother so yeah…” Mordred flashed another one of those fake smiles as he rushed over to the door with his things, clearly wanting to leave as soon as possible. “Good luck on that final.”

Merlin called out, “Thanks, have a great break,” but Mordred had already slammed the door shut as he fled the room. 

Merlin sat in his bed, feeling guilty, when he felt his phone buzz. 

From unknown: ‘ _hey so this is Arthur’s friend… he said that u would be willing to answer some gay questions’_

For a second Merlin was incredibly confused. If the text hadn’t mentioned Arthur he most likely would have dismissed it as someone having the wrong number. All of a sudden he remembered his conversation at the game last week with Arthur, and started typing out a response. 

To unknown: ‘ _hey honey mind giving me ur name so I have something to call you’_

Immediately Merlin saw the bubbles indicating that someone was typing, but they repeatedly disappeared and then reappeared for several minutes until Merlin placed his phone down and started to get dressed to go to his exam. Ten minutes later Merlin was ready to go. Picking up his phone, he noticed that the mystery man had finally responded. 

From unknown: ‘ _Id rather not’_

 _Mystery man it is,_ Merlin thought to himself typing the name into his phone. 

To mystery man: ‘ _alright well if u change ur mind I won’t tell nobody…’_

From mystery man: ‘ _Ok.’_

Merlin rolled his eyes. He could worry about this boy later, he had more important things to think about. Like this final he hadn’t really studied for. 

_Fuck_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz plz plz comment and let me know how u felt about this chapter, they give me motivation


	7. Year One: Winter Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Arthur and Merlin continue to be complete idiots, but Arthur starts to open up a little bit (but not too much this boy is still too emotionally repressed for that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's on the shorter side, but I hope y'all enjoy it, lots of Merthur interaction, angst, and crack in this one lol

Arthur sat at the long table in his father’s dining room, trying to stay as quiet as possible so as not to attract attention to himself, as Morgana and his father discussed how the team was going. As usual, Uther didn’t really care to hear how Arthur thought the season was going, but for maybe the first time ever, Arthur didn’t really mind. Well, that wasn’t quite true, Arthur was still bitter about it, but he was too preoccupied with thinking about how he was going to get the information for Sophia to be truly upset about his father’s dismissive attitude.

Arthur had just worked up the courage to ask his father about getting more involved in Pendragon Manufacturing when Morgana cleared her throat, drawing Uther and Arthur’s attention to her.

“I have something to announce, and while I do not think it will go over well, I’m tired of hiding this and need to get it off my chest.” Morgana’s facial expression was carefully closed off, as if she were trying to preemptively prepare for an attack. Arthur was immediately on edge, glancing between his sister and his father nervous for whatever was coming. If Morgana thought that Uther was going to be angry at  _ her _ then this something huge.

Morgana took in one last deep breath, “I’m a lesbian and I was in a relationship with Morgause for three years while we were in college together and recently we’ve reconnected and started seeing each other again.”

Arthur couldn’t take a breath as he waited for his father’s response. Morgana, while trying to give off an intimidating energy, was obviously incredibly nervous. When Arthur glanced over at his father, Uther was turning red in anger.

“I must have heard you wrong,” Uther replied slowly, his voice dripping with anger. To her credit Morgana didn’t stand down, “I am in a relationship with Morgause and I’m not going to hide her again from you.”

“Get out of my sight!” Uther yelled. Morgana stood still for one more second, steely gazed before whipping around and heading for the front door. Arthur hurried after her.

“Gana, what the fuck was that?” Arthur cried, “Did you really need to ruin christmas like that?”

Morgana looked at him, angry tears prickling in the corners of her eyes and snarled, “Just because you’re too cowardly to, doesn’t mean that I have to continue to hide myself to appease Uther.” Arthur took a physical step backwards as if he had been hit. 

“What are you talking about Gana?” His voice wavered. “I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Morgana scoffed, “You can try to fool yourself,” she stepped closer to Arthur, “you can try to fool your girlfriend,” she jabbed her finger into his chest violently, “You can even try to fool Uther, but you can’t fool me and you can’t fool the people who care about you... you’re like an open book to anyone who bothers to look.” 

Arthur opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, looking like a fish gasping for water, trying to formulate a response to Morgana’s statement. When nothing immediately jumped out at him, he lashed out in blind panic and rage, “I’m not a freak... not like you.” The minute the words left his mouth Arthur regretted them. Morgana’s eyes opened wide in surprise, but before Arthur could apologize, her eyes narrowed, “Don’t contact me until you’re ready to face the truth Arthur.”

Arthur called out to her, but Morgana didn’t stop as she forcefully closed the front door behind her, leaving Arthur alone with Uther. Arthur walked back to the dining room as slowly as he could, trying to delay the inevitable. He quietly sat back down across from Uther. He might as well use this time to prove about the company. 

By the time that dinner was over and Arthur was excused he felt like even his bones ached. He hadn’t gotten much, but Uther had shared some information about upcoming weapons improvements Pendragon Manufacturing was planning to announce. Arthur face planted on his bed for a minute before pulling up Sophia’s contact information. He paused briefly, feeling guilty over betraying his father, before sending her everything he had learned. His father had taken everything from him, he could go fuck himself for all Arthur cared. Arthur actually cared a lot, but he was angry enough right now to half-heartedly convince himself he didn’t. 

Arthur wasn’t sure what made him do it but after he texted Sophia the information he reached into his bag for the second phone he’d bought exclusively to text Merlin. He hadn’t texted the smaller boy since his original message at the end of finals week, but he’d open up their conversation at least once a day and just stare at the screen, urging himself to type out something. 

He took a deep breath and texted:

To Merlin: _ ‘my sister just came out to me and my dad and it was a disaster…’ _

Half an hour passed before Arthur heard the phone buzz with an incoming message. 

From Merlin: _ ‘I’m sorry honey… does she know about you?’ _

Arthur felt sick. 

To Merlin:  _ ‘Yeah I think she does but I kind of acted badly when she told us… my dad isn’t very supportive and I freaked and I yelled at her so yeah I don’t think she wants to talk to me about it’ _

From Merlin: _ ‘Are all of Arthur’s friends as emotionally stunted as he is?’ _ Arthur huffed in annoyance. Who was Merlin to say that he was “emotionally stunted,” he was fully aware of his emotions.

To Merlin:  _ ‘Oyy I’m not emotionally stunted!’ _ When Arthur remembered that Merlin didn’t know who he was he added, ‘and neither is Arthur’

From Merlin:  _ ‘lol ok whatever u want to tell urself’ _ Arthur watched the bubbles that appeared, waiting on edge for whatever Merlin was going to send next. When did he become so invested in what Merlin thought??? 

From Merlin:  _ ‘do u want to talk about it tho im free for a little bit if u need to vent’ _

Arthur let out a sigh of relief.

To Merlin:  _ ‘I just… like my dad is always on my case and its just hard and then my sister made everything more stressful and just like im scared that my dad is going to be more focused on me and im just really stressed right now and i cant deal w him coming down on me any more than he already is bc im afraid of what i might do and im so tired of everything right now’ _

Arthur wasn’t sure what made him spill his guts like that. Maybe it was the anonymity that came from knowing that Merlin had no clue who he was. Growing up in the public eye meant that he had never really had a private life, and the ability to share with someone and not be scared that his father or the press would find out about it was incredibly freeing.

There were several minutes before Merlin started to respond and that feeling of freedom morphed into one of worry. What if he’d shared too much and scared Merlin away? Finally he got a response.

From Merlin:  _ ‘im not sure exactly what to say honey except sorry… that sounds like a lot and maybe you should think about seeing a therapist… i can listen but i dont have any training in this and u sound more than just stressed’ _

Arthur sighed heavily. Merlin wasn’t wrong, but if he tried to get professional help there would be no way that his father wouldn’t hear about it.

To Merlin:  _ ‘Can we not talk about this right now?’ _

From Merlin:  _ ‘ok… i know we dont know each other but plz text me if ur thinking about doing anything u might regret… i cant help u professionally but again im here to listen if u need/want it’ _

To Merlin:  _ ‘thx ill keep that in mind… what do u think i should do abt my sister tho’ _

From Merlin:  _ ‘id start w apologizing u clotpole,’  _ Arthur was disgruntled at the fact that he hadn’t thought about that yet. He picked up his main phone and shot a text to Morgana.

To Gana:  _ ‘hey im sorry abt how i acted earlier can we call when u have the chance’ _

While he waited for Morgana’s response, he texted Merlin back.

To Merlin:  _ ‘of course i apologized already im not an idiot i was wondering what i should say to her after that…’ _

From Merlin:  _ ‘idk tell her u dont care about her being gay and maybe open up about urself to show that ur willing to talk… no one knows what ur dads like like her so she might have better advice than me’ _

Arthur felt his main cellphone buzz; Morgana had responded saying she was free to talk right now.

To Merlin:  _ ‘thx im calling her now talk to u later’ _

Arthur took a deep breath and hit the call button. After several rings Morgana picked up. There was silence across the line. Arthur cleared his throat, hoping that that would lead Morgana to start talking, but she just sat there in silence, letting him stew in the guilt and awkwardness. Finally, he sighed and opened his mouth, “Hey Gana… I’m really sorry about what I said earlier…”

All he got was a terse, “Okay.”

“That’s all? Okay?” He begged. Morgana breathed heavily over the phone, but Arthur couldn’t tell whether it was in anger or if she was on the brink of tears. When she started to speak, Arthur got the sense it was both.

“An ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to cut it this time Arthur,” Morgana’s voice cracked. “What you said today can’t be wiped away with a simple apology.” When Arthur floundered, trying to think up a response, Morgana added in a clipped tone, “Well if that’s all I’m going to go now,” she said, her tone devoid of all of the emotion it’d held just a few seconds ago. Arthur bitterly thought that skill must run in the family.

“Wait no don’t go!” Arthur yelled, louder than he meant to, “I just don’t know exactly how to fix this… I’m trying to think of something to say and I just can’t figure out anything even remotely comparable to the shit I said at dinner, please give me a couple of moments to get my thoughts together…”

Morgana didn’t respond, but there wasn’t the click of being hung up on either, so Arthur sat there for several minutes desperately trying to collect his thoughts. He still didn’t have anything great, but he was afraid if he waited any longer to speak that Morgana would leave. 

“I understand that you’re not just going to forgive me,” Arthur started out strong, “But, umm… I’m willing to try and make it up to you over time… I’d like to meet Morgause the next time she’s in town if that’s okay?”

Morgana snorted, “She’s not exactly the biggest fan of yours right now Arthur.”

Arthur gulped, “I figured, but I- uh… still want to meet her as long as it’s okay with you?” 

Morgana paused for a long moment, “I think I’d like that Arthur. I’ll let you know when we’re free.”

“Cool cool…” Arthur had completely run out of the things he’d been able to plan to say, but he knew that wasn’t enough. To be honest he wasn’t sure when his apologies would ever be enough after calling Morgana a freak. 

“Andyourrightaboutme,” Arthur spit the words out as quickly as he could, “And so like I know this doesn’t excuse it or anything but I just said those things because I was scared, Gana… I’m so sorry.” By the time he’d gotten halfway through the sentence, Arthur had started to breathe heavier, and was now choking back tears, a high pitched whine escaping his throat. He heard Morgana curse over the line. 

“Arthur… hey… I’m not ready to forgive you yet, but know that I don’t hate you… as long as you don’t make a habit of what you said today than I’m not going to be upset at you forever either ok? Just take some deep breaths okay? Can you do that for me?”

Arthur tried to calm down, his deep breathing sounding more like he was wheezing. 

Once he felt centered again he put his head in his hands. “Fuck, I’m sorry Gana… I swear I didn’t do that to make you feel sorry for me or to like make this about me… fuck god damnit…”

Morgana’s voice had softened slightly from earlier, “I know Arthur… I know…” She sighed, “I’m not in a place where I can be with you right now, but can you promise me you’ll reach out to someone once we hang up?”

“Yeah Gana I can do that…'' They sat in silence for several more minutes until Morgana finally spoke. 

“I think I’m gonna go Arthur… I’ll see you at practice when the semester starts up again alright? Call if you want to talk about how umm… you’re like me…”

Arthur nodded his head, before realizing she couldn’t see him. “Yeah… just um let me know if there’s anything you can think of that I can do for you to make up for everything… I’ll literally do whatever…”

Morgana chuckled, “Careful Arthur, promising you’ll do anything I ask is a dangerous game.”

Arthur laughed back, “shut up…” Pausing before whispering, “I love you Gana.”

“I love you too Arthur, take care of yourself please.” 

When he heard her say she loved him, Arthur felt himself tear up. He wasn’t sure when the last time was that someone had said that to him. Well… Sophia had said it, but Arthur didn’t think that counted. Sophia had always wanted something from Arthur; she hadn’t  _ meant  _ it. 

Arthur was surprised with himself when he actually went to get in touch with someone once Morgana had ended the call, but he was even more shocked by who he’d chosen. It wasn’t Gwaine or Lance or Gwen or any of his other long time friends. No… he’d automatically texted Merlin. 

\-----------( POV: Merlin)-----------

Merlin sat in his living room with his mom and his two best friends, Will and Freya. It had been two days since he had started texting Arthur’s friend regularly. This mystery guy had kept him up to date about his conversation with his sister and how it’d gone pretty well and had been asking Merlin random questions about being queer. It was a little bit awkward at first but Merlin found himself enjoying his conversations with the other man. They had settled into a fairly playful banter and while he enjoyed seeing his mom and his friends in Georgia, these text interactions reminded him that there was a world outside of small town Georgia and provided him with laughs. 

Merlin, Will, and Freya were trading stories about their first semesters when Will commented, “This Arthur guy seems like an ass,” to one of Merlin’s stories about the hockey team. Merlin wasn’t 100% sure why, but he leapt to Arthur’s defense. 

“He isn’t all bad… he can be a prat sometimes but inside I think he’s a nicer guy than he lets on.”

“Whatever,” Will said, rolling his eyes, “You probably just have a crush on the guy.”

“Do not!” Merlin shouted, putting his hand over his chest in fake outrage. Everyone laughed. 

Merlin’s mom, Hunith, smiled kindly, “Well I’m just glad that y’all are all having a good time at school.”

Merlin smiled. He was jammed between Will and Freya… he had missed the casual physical touch the three of them had. His phone buzzed and his smile widened as he saw that it was from Arthur’s friend. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘weird question but how did u know whether u were a top or a bottom’ _

Merlin almost choked on thin air as he read the text, and quickly tried to hide his phone from his friend’s prying eyes. They somehow didn’t notice the text and it wasn’t until several hours later that he got the chance to respond. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘I just thought about what I liked and then tried it both ways and realized I like to switch…’ _

Mystery man responded immediately, as if he had been checking his phone waiting for Merlin to respond. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘oh ok’ _

Merlin waited for a response but there was none. After a while the curiosity got the better of him.

To mystery man:  _ ‘is there a reason ur asking this right now sweetheart’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘I just feel like I don’t know anything about being gay and it frustrates me sometimes’ _

Merlin frowned at his phone sympathetically. This boy. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘well do u have any questions I might be able to answer them’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘so I know Arthur already asked u this but like how do I know I only like men for sure like I’ve never liked women but what if I find one who I like????’ _

Merlin rolled his eyes. At least this guy was honest about his feelings to himself and not  _ completely  _ repressed. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘well I think u kinda answered ur own questions if you’ve never been attracted to a woman before’ _ Merlin thought about what he’d said before adding on. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘but like if u do find a woman u find attractive then like all that means is that u might not be 100% gay there’s really no reason to get all upset about labels… u know ur at least 99.9% attracted to men and that’s what counts’ _

Merlin lay down on his stomach, stretching his legs out as he opened up Spotify and started to listen to one of his playlists as he waited for a responding text. Half a song later he got one. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘yeah I guess ur right i just want to be as sure as I can be before I tell anyone so that I don’t look like I’m going thru a phase or whatever’ _

To mystery man:  _ ‘I get that but don’t worry about it if u can help it altho I know it’s easier said than done :)’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘I don’t mean to offend but do u think that somethings wrong w us for being like this… like maybe my dad has a point about being gay like what if it’s just bc of like trauma or something’ _

Merlin took in a sharp breath at that question. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘there is NOTHING wrong w either of us do u hear me?? Do u think ur friends who r queer r wrong somehow???’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘of course I don’t think my friends r messed up!’ _ A couple seconds passed before Merlin got another text. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘oh… I see what u did there’ _

To mystery man:  _ ‘well it wasn’t exactly rocket science but… Idk exactly why we’re queer but it’s not something to be fixed that’s the point I was trying to make’ _

There was radio silence for about 15 minutes. Every once in a while the bubbles would pop up and then quickly disappear. Merlin could only guess what wild thing this other boy was going to ask. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘can I tell u something?’ _

To mystery man:  _ ‘sure go for it’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘I’m dating a woman right now…’ _

Merlin’s eyebrows raised in surprise, and then shook his head. Why was he surprised, while this guy had accepted that he was attracted to men, he still was awfully repressed. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘bless ur silly little heart… that doesn’t sound like the best idea…’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘well I’m sorry that I’m doing what I need to in order to survive w my father’ _

Merlin could hear the defensive tone through the text message and realized that for whatever reason he had been reading the texts in Arthur’s voice in his head. That was weird… maybe because this guy was Arthur’s friend he’d connected the two?

To mystery man:  _ ‘well there’s no reason to lash out at me like that and u know it… I’m not making fun of u( or at least not much ;)) I’m just sorry ur in this situation and I wish u felt like u didn’t have to do that’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘oh well… I’m sorry… I guess I did overreact’ _

Merlin snorted. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘ur a clotpole but I forgive u :))’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘can u send me some suggestions for shows/movies/books w gay characters I want to get more insight’ _

Merlin felt like he had whiplash from all the sudden conversation topic changes, but he sent a list of stuff he liked. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘thx r u excited to come back from campus’ _

To mystery man:  _ ‘yeah I am I love my friends from back home and my mom but I don’t love Georgia tbh… wbu? U excited to come back?’ _

From mystery man:  _ ‘I’ve got an apartment off campus so I never left but I’m excited for the semester to start up again and to get back on the ice’ _

Huh, so this was one of Arthur’s teammates, that was interesting. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘can we just pretend I didn’t let slip I play hockey????’ _

Merlin found himself smiling indulgently at his phone. 

To mystery man:  _ ‘of course sweetheart my lips r sealed’  _ Merlin followed up that text with.  _ ‘Maybe I can convince u eventually to get coffee or something so we can really talk’ _

After several minutes, Merlin got a one word answer. 

From mystery man:  _ ‘maybe’ _

Merlin grinned. This boy was an absolute disaster, but he was fun to talk to. Merlin mentally ran through Arthur’s teammates, trying to think of which of them had a girlfriend and an imposing father figure. When none came to mind, he shrugged. It was probably one of the first-years Merlin hadn’t gotten the chance to know yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this plz leave kudos and/or a comment I want to know what y'all think of the story so far :))))

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and/or kudos if you enjoyed this :)))  
> Also: let me know whether y'all want me to do this story in its entirety, and then start the check please in camelot story, or whether y'all want me to switch off (i.e. one chapter of this, one chapter of check please)  
> As always, thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!


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